


because i could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me

by kimdabhyun21



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Aristocrat!AU, F/F, an exemplary one at that, angsty, loosely based off of Dickinson, mentions of yuyeon and mimin, she's too afraid of what others think, shuhua can't ever catch a break, shuhua is a poet, soojin is bad at feelings, watch the show it's amazing btw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimdabhyun21/pseuds/kimdabhyun21
Summary: The weight of the world hangs on her shoulders, prying at her conscious, and scraping until failure consumes her whole. Yeh Shuhua doesn't care, when the galaxy lies in Seo Soojin's eyes, and that's all she's ever needed in this lifetime.Or, Yeh Shuhua, the daughter of the prestigious and self-acclaimed brilliant Mark Yeh, is elevated into a high place in society---not by choice. Seo Soojin is the only person that makes this life worth living.
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 13
Kudos: 64





	1. "hope" is the thing with the feathers

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone!
> 
> i'm debating whether i even want to start an au like this, when i can barely keep up with updating my other stories lol. the idea popped into my head, and i figured i should totally write it, the worst thing i can do is just delete it lol. 
> 
> hope you enjoy the story, it's a mix of a royalty/aristocrat au with some elements from the show 'Dickinson' added in there!

_"Hope" is the thing with the feathers--_

_That perches in the soul--_

_And sings the tune without the words--_

_And never stops at all._

_And yet, I measure every Grief I meet--_

_With narrowing, probing, eyes--_

_I wonder if it weighs like mine--_

_Or has an easier size._

* * *

Her door is creaked open slightly, the monotone white of the unspoken walls can only be seen through a crease, and her unimaginable beauty dawns in the basking sunlight, a strip of blinding white making her eyes extra vivid. Shuhua sat quietly at her desk, pen in hand as she scribbled into her notebook, her scared sanctuary. This was behind the mask, behind the uncertainty and behind the manufactured and manifested picture of herself that laid guarded by her reputation. 

There was something so liberating about poetry, how it's very premise was to convey thoughts of the mind, stringing together the most beautiful words into a frenzy of color, and self-interpretation. She loved it, loved the freedom, loved the rawness that she so rarely got to witness within the life that she had been given; she would've chosen so much differently if she could. 

She would do a lot of things differently if she could. 

"Shuhua! Mom wants you downstairs!" A soft sigh exited her mouth, her hands tracing the embroidered YSH in gold on her black marble notebook, the gift of her best friend and her sister, Song Yuqi, who also had the patience of a 2 year old, and was also storming into her room right now. 

"I guess my room has now become the den, hasn't it?" Shuhua muttered, Yuqi glaring at her before taking a seat on the cushioned seat next to hers, Yuqi's own eyes eyeing the journal as a small smile appeared on her face, this time a softer one without any malice. 

"You actually use this?" Yuqi asked her, her eyes half wide in admiration and half in surprise. "Where else would I write without Dad finding out?"

"Good point." Yuqi nodded, drumming her fingertips onto the wooden desk with force. "Mom needs help with dinner, although I don't understand why Lucas can't just do it..."

"Lucas is a _**man**_ _,_ Qi. He actually gets to live a life worth living, not just being some housewife who's only purpose is to be a child barer. I wonder what that's like, having the freedom to do as you please without the battering eyes of the public dawning on your conscious."

"We'll never live to see that day, I guess." Yuqi huffed, standing up hesitantly. 

"Do I really have to?" Shuhua grumbled, throwing her journal underneath the faulty floorboard as Yuqi nodded, lending her a hand that she used to propel herself up with. "Come on, Dad wants to tell us about the race."

+++

The clanking of the utensils is irking, and Shuhua sits in her seat quietly, her father chewing loudly next to her at the head of the table, her brother next to her on her right, and her mother across from her. 

"Everyone, I have news for you all. This will be the best thing for our family!" Her father cheered, smiling cheekily as he grinned at each and every one of his children. "I'm running in the election! If I win, we'll be a ruling family!"

"Don't you mean you?" Shuhua bit back slightly harshly, her father giving her a disapproving glare as she sunk back into her seat. "Now, now, Shuhua, you know the jobs that women are supposed to complete. I expect that you've been helping your mother with housekeeping duties?"

"Yuqi _has._ Shuhua has lost her mind, talking about this 'feminism' and this 'equality for all'. It's blasphemous! My daughter has lost the true meaning of how great it is to be a women, how our happiness to serve the men in our life is so fulfilling!" Her mother shot back, Shuhua holding her mouth to keep the food she (reluctantly) helped make from coming back up. 

"Mom, Shuhua has helped just as much as me---"

"Save it, Yuqi. Shuhua hasn't done that much, and it doesn't make sense why you're standing up for someone who's going against society. Father's right, Shuhua should be tending to the dishes, that's her job!" Lucas butted in, and Shuhua swore that she's never been more annoyed at the alpha male-esque nature of the men in her family. 

"Thank you, Lucas. That's why I'll be giving up the printing business to you when I win the election!" 

"What?!" Yuqi spit her food out, coughing hysterically. 

"Are you serious?!" Shuhua looked dumbfounded, that _Lucas,_ the biggest underachiever of the family, is getting the family business, and just because he's a man. What kind of wacked up world were they living in? Women who were more than capable, were denied of all virtue. Make it make sense...

Even her mother looked surprised, the pupils her in eyes wide, her mouth hung open with a slight pop of the jaw. "Mark... are you sure... that's a good idea?"

"Nonsense! Of course it's a great idea! My son here is perfectly fit to run the business, and his wife will make sure that he's taken care of!" Shuhua's fists clenched underneath the table, her chest constricting as she held onto her sanity for dear life; her father was pushing her buttons, and for as outspoken in nature she was, this wouldn't end well. 

"That shouldn't be all a woman is capable of! We're just as capable as you, if not more! Who's progressed through the shaft of life, of mistreatment, of being denied something so plausible just because you men are scared of our capabilities! Lucas gets to go to school, and he doesn't even pay attention! I should be the one going, and Yuqi too!" She slammed the table in frustration, immediately regretting it when she felt a sharp pain on her wrist, her father grabbing onto her skin for dear life as she felt his stare peering into her soul.

"You will not raise your voice at this table, you ungrateful little brat! I'm giving you a warning, if you keep trying to defy the life I've worked so hard in settling for you, there will be consequences! You are a woman, and you WILL do everything you're supposed to do! Do you hear me?"

"Yes, father." She replied timidly, her wrist pulsing in pain from the harsh grip on it. She met Yuqi's worried eyes, her own being blurred from the tears that begged to exit their jailed cells of agony. He shoved her off, storming out of the room and into his office, her mother immediately following. Lucas gave her a look of disappointment before leaving too, and now it was just the two sisters. 

"Does it hurt?" Yuqi's eyes were glossy as she rubbed her fingertips over Shuhua's newly purple wrist. "For someone even younger than me, you're so brave. I wouldn't have been able to say that back to him." Yuqi trailed off, her face in a state of pity and hurt as Shuhua sighed, the pain trailing through her blood and to her brain, little prickles making her wince. 

"Enough to feel it. God, he's just----"

"An asshole?"

"Yeah, that too." After those words were silence, and Shuhua felt a hand being placed softly on her shoulder. "Don't lose that spark of yours, no matter how much they try to shut you down. I'll always be in your corner." Yuqi kissed the top of her head with gratitude, as she bid Shuhua goodbye, walking up the large stairs to her neat bedroom. Shuhua pulled her seat back out, plopping in the chair as it skidding lightly, her heavy sighs drowning out the miscellaneous noise. 

"I hope I don't, Yuqi, I hope I don't."

* * *

"Wake up Shuhua! We're finally in town, shouldn't you be excited?!" Minnie shook her body, Shuhua jolting slightly as she opened her eyes just a bit wider, the after effects of staying up all night long. 

"Sorry, I was up late last night."

"Writing again?"

She nodded, Minnie smiling in a beat after. The older always appreciated that Shuhua wrote, not to mention that her work was quite brilliant too, among the likes of something so realistic and natural. It was everything like Shuhua, and yet nothing as well. "You should sleep, Shu. It's not good to stay up so late." 

She followed the sound of that voice, a soft, velvety tone, and before she knew it, she was subconsciously smiling. Only Seo Soojin had that kind of effect on her, didn't she? She had met the latter when they were young; their fathers were family friends, and naturally they became friends as well; unnaturally, Shuhua began to fall for her, for her smile, for her caringness, and for those wonderful deep brown eyes of hers. 

Today was no different, as she was now face to face with Soojin, the latter looking at her with such softness, such stripped down worry, and she felt like she would melt to the floor with Soojin's taxing gaze still on her. The latter sighed, running her hands through her black long hair, Shuhua standing still with a gulp. "I'm sorry, Jin." Shuhua looked at the floor, a wallowing of slight inferiority and bashfulness, and Soojin couldn't bare to see the other like that. 

"Look at me." Soojin's fingertips held Shuhua's jaw in her hands, those bright large doe eyes staring back at her as Soojin temporarily lost her breath, her brain kicking back in once Shuhua looked at her with a pout. "You need to take better care of yourself, we can't have you getting hurt or getting sick. Miyeon unnie would pamper you with kisses, and we both don't want her attacking us."

"Hey! Shuhua likes my kisses!"

"No she doesn't." Minnie laughed, clearing her throat once Miyeon glared back at her. "She's right Shuhua, you need rest!" Miyeon scolded her, grabbing onto her wrist as Shuhua cursed, wincing as the tears came back to her eyes. The wound was quite bad, and still quite fresh; even Yuqi looked at her with pity this morning. 

Her body jolted slightly, a pang of discomfort and burning heat trailing throughout her veins as she winced, Minnie looking at her with uncertainty, her eyes scanning the latter as if she was a puzzle, and there was one missing piece. She felt another hand on her shoulder, namely Minnie's, as the latter slowed down her pace, letting the two Korean beauties walk further ahead of them. "We'll meet you there!" Minnie shouted, and the two girls nodded, happily skipping along on their way. 

"What the hell was that?"

"Was _what?_ You might have to be more specific here, Min. Am I really capable of comprehending something so unfathomable, only a commonality to those of gifted intellectual stature?" Shuhua bit back her laughter as Minnie glared at her, the older seemingly questioning her decision of becoming friends with the younger, and Shuhua wouldn't blame the doubt.

"Not everyone here is a poet, smartass. Why did you wince when Miyeon grabbed your wrist?"

"It just caught me off guard, no worries..." Shuhua fidgeted with her hands, the smooth skin of her monochrome white sparking with the friction of her stuttering movements. Minnie didn't look convinced at all---that was the perk of knowing someone better than you knew yourself, that you could tell what was a figment of their mind before even trying to digest feelings of your own. Minnie would deal with her own issues later; she handled things better alone anyways, she had to. 

"If you're gonna lie, at least make it believable. That was embarrassing."

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing, just tell me what happened?" Minnie's question was met with silence, a response ironically on its own. Minnie sighed, tucking her fingers through her deep brown hair, a tightness constricting her ribcage at the thought of Shuhua being hurt, of the red slashes that tainted such halo-like purity. 

"My father... he grabbed my wrist a little too hard." Shuhua trailed off, timidly admitting, and Minnie looked at her for permission, carefully rolling up Shuhua's sleeves, a pitiful gasp exiting her mouth as she traced circles on the purple haze. "A little hard" was an understatement. 

"Shuhua... I..." 

"It's okay. This my hand of cards. I deserve this."

"You don't deserve to get hurt! That's crazy!"

"The man is my father, Min. Whether I like it or not, there will always be a part of him in me. I've already started the race with an inherent evil creeping in my bones." Minnie chose not to respond to this, a solemn nod without care, and the girls shook the grim atmosphere off, flashing immediately into a happier connotation among the sight of Seo Soojin falling into her vision. 

_"My oh my..."_ Minnie thought, clearing her throat before she began to follow. 

+++

Returning back into their tetra, the girls walked around town with happy smiles, the most promising individuals bowing in front of them, the black top hat tipping in courtesy, and Shuhua never believed she would get used to the awkwardness that came along with the proclaimed family wealth they all basked in, regardless of whether they liked it or not. 

They had passed the dress tailor, Miyeon chatting away with her friend and tailor, Jeon Heejin, about anything and everything. Minnie eyed the rack of unruffled slacks, Soojin silently reprimanding her, as, "we don't want to get caught here, unnie."

Over in the distance was Shuhua's favorite restaurant, and the only one she ever really attended, quite frankly. It wasn't often she was allowed in town, and she figured that she would kill two birds with one stone; show her friends some nice food, and to pay _her_ a visit. 

"This is cool, Shu. Nice recommendation." Soojin smiled softly, and Shuhua felt her cheeks burn up, a small nod was all she could muster. They sat in the lobby, brown wooden floors and walls surrounding them along with different paintings of portraits and abstract art. People bustled among the slightly small estate, the conversations flying by Shuhua's ears as she watched how others acted. She wondered how different it must've been to be free to do whatever you pleased without being the talk of the town. 

"Ah, thank you for coming! It's our pleasure to have the Yeh, Seo, Cho, and Yontararak daughters here in our restaurant!" The lady dropped her menus, bowing 90 degrees as Soojin smiled awkwardly, thanking her lucky star that they were now walking over towards their table. 

Minnie and Miyeon sat together on one side, Miyeon first and Minnie following, and symmetrically for Soojin and Shuhua. The youngest girl felt undoubtedly flustered, Soojin's presence so close to her was deathly. 

"Shuhua!" An excited yet icy tone turned her attention away from Soojin as she looked around for the source of the voice, a large smile appearing on her face as she recognized the owner of the remark. 

"Joohyun unnie! It's been so long!" She felt strong arms squeezing her body, the older laughing at her chirpiness as she smiled endearingly; Shuhua knew that meant that she missed her too, if not more.

"How've you been kiddo? Found any new stories for me?" Joohyun ruffled her hair, Shuhua groaning slightly before nodding, an appreciation dawning through her mind for the complexion of the imagination, and the lengths the human psyche could possibly reach. 

"I've hung in there, unnie. Pride and Prejudice, the utmost read. Jane Austen is quite brilliant, I must say. The Count of Monte Cristo was great too; I'll have Yeonjun send you the physical copies from our library." 

"That's my girl! Oh, look how tall you've gotten! Introduce me to your friends!" Joohyun was a special case for Shuhua; she was someone who's been there through thick and thin, from the beginning until now. 5 years ago, a young Shuhua wandered alone in the town library, for her father would not let her read a book about the science of a volcano, and Shuhua was certainly too stubborn to listen to him. Apparently, she'd needed some form of identification in order to rent the book for a while, and all she remembers is a pretty black haired woman who was 5 years her senior, and then the book was in her hands. 

"If you so so, unnie..." Shuhua sat back down, Joohyun following with a smirk as a flustered Miyeon looked everywhere but her, and Minnie could been seen out of the corner of Shuhua's eye with a grimace on her face. 

"This is my Joohyun unnie. Joohyunie, this is Soojin unnie, Minnie unnie, and Miyeon unnie. We're all in the same boat here." The girls shyly waved to a smiling Joohyun, her gaze landing on a certain Seo Soojin. 

_She looked familiar. Wait..._

_Oh my god! That's the girl Shuhua is in love with!_

Shuhua looked at Joohyun, immediately becoming worried as the latter was planning something, she was sure of it. Joohyun snickered, a glint of daringness inside her eyes. She was definitely planning _something._

"So girls, what can I get you?"

"Uh, we'll all order a burger." Minnie answered for them all, the girls nodding as they handed back menus. "If I may, I would like to recommend something to you guys."

"Sure thing."

"We've just added the chocolate milkshake to our list, it's amazing!" The girls looked around at each other before shrugging. "Why not."

"Perfect! I'll deliver two; you guys can share one with two straws!"

A couple of minutes passed by, Shuhua and Miyeon discussing their latest findings in the town paper, with a few interjections from Soojin and Minnie before their food was served, and the milkshakes were placed down in the middle of the two (unknowing) lovebirds.

This looked good! Wait...

_Why is there only one straw?!_

"Oh, we ran out of supplies, I'm sorry about that! Well, I better get going! It was nice to see you again, Shu; definitely send me those stories so we can talk about it in a letter later. Enjoy!" Joohyun winked at her, and it dawned on Shuhua then, before her friend ran like Usain Bolt. 

_This was Joohyun's idea. Of course it was._

Shuhua's eyes widened slightly, her heart skipping a beat at the thought of sharing one straw with Seo Soojin. She turned over, not expecting to see a certain someone with pinked cheeks; Shuhua supposed she was hallucinating, that must be it. She was too love-struck to notice. 

* * *

The two girls walked in a comfortable silence together, Shuhua still feeling the grip of Soojin's hands on her arm. Minnie and Miyeon separated from them earlier, and the two decided they would spend the rest of the night together, like they normally did. 

The rocks flew across the cobblestone, Shuhua kicking the rocks for fun as they neared the door towards her large mansion. She opened the door quietly, immediately being attacked by the staff of maids that were ready to serve her as she pleased. Shuhua blushed, telling them to relax and to take the night off; she never needed any assistance anyways. 

Soojin followed her into the large den, a burning fire in the middle. The room was a hint of modernized gray, the curtains drawn to see the sunlight. Yuqi was sprawled across the couch, an issue of "Tale of Two Cities" in her hands. 

"She's just like we left her." Soojin whispered to her best friend, the two girls stifling a laugh before they quietly passed her endeavored sister, crawling all the way up to Shuhua's room. 

"I still don't understand why you haven't painted this yet. It has so much potential. I could even paint it for you!"

"It's fine, Jin. I'm not planning on living here forever, anyways. I have other things to attend to."

"Like what?" Soojin fought back, stepping closer to the latter. 

"Like writing, like my intricacy in diction."

"I'll give you intricacy." Soojin smirked, her hands roaming to catch Shuhua's hands. 

The door opened, making Shuhua back away, Soojin feeling the slight loss. Lucas stood in the doorway, his hair combed back neatly, and his face handsome as ever. "Hey Soojin, how are you?"

Soojin's eyes widened a bit when she realized that he was talking to her. "I-I'm alright, how are you?"

"I'm doing very well, thank you. Actually, I have to speak with you about something, do you mind coming with me for a moment?" Shuhua felt her heart drop at the sentence, at the thought of her brother being alone with the love of her life. Soojin looked at her for a split second, her eyes unsure and slightly apprehensive, the opiniuon of her best friend was important enough to ponder. Shuhua nodded, smiling solemnly as Soojin left with him, shutting the door. 

Shuhua plopped down onto her bed, a sigh escaping her mouth. Lucas had everything. Would he really be despicable enough to steal the one thing Shuhua had hoped for herself?

She faced the ceiling, the soft fabric of her mattress hitting her back in bliss. Her bones cracked, a sigh of relief hitting her as she strectched out her muscles, the only thing keeping her from going insane, from allowing herself to fall back into her mind of rejection and resentment of herself for loving her best friend when she _clearly_ did not love her back in the way she wanted. She hated herself for feeling upset, for feeling angry at her selfishness, that she expected too much from Soojin who had already been there for her, just not in the way she needed. 

The soft giggles coming from Lucas' room were enough to quell her, a groan leaving her mouth in irritation as she slammed the pillow onto her head, her teeth biting softly on her lip as Soojin's laughter became louder; it rung in her ears, something so ironic as to hear Soojin laugh was all she ever wanted. To know that Lucas was the one doing it was all she's ever feared. 

And in this moment, she returned to the loneliness that consumed her, to the devil on her shoulders that whispered these god awful things to her. She'd assumed that this was just a verbal condensation of all her worries, her mind playing tricks on her. These couldn't be worries, when they were true; Soojin should've been here with her, in her arms, reading stories, gossiping about the other rich girls in town, but she was with Lucas. 

She couldn't be with Shuhua, when she was with Lucas. Busy being in his arms, with her smile in his presence, and Shuhua was alone. 

Wasn't she always alone?

Everyone had someone; Minnie had Miyeon, Irene had Seulgi, _Soojin had Lucas,_ and she had no one. 

Her thoughts ran like water seeping through her skin, something so clear, yet she was unable to grasp it, letting it fall through her fingertips and onto the paper. Her hands were starting to hurt as she wrote, and wrote, and wrote, the golden emblem still on the cover. This journal was _hers,_ and this was the only thing that she wouldn't let anyone take away from her. She was a little less alone with her writing. 

_I set fire to the rain--_

_Watched it pour as I touched your face--_

_Well, it burned while I cried, cause I heard screaming out your name--_

_I wish I could lay there with you, close my eyes--_

_Feel you here, forever--_

_You and Me together, nothing would be better._

Soojin was rain; it was effortlessly beautiful, dashing, relaxing. She was an anomaly, her smile was golden and grand, her laugh was a splash of relief, her eyes felt like waterfalls; Shuhua drowned in them helplessly and yet she felt as if she could sink forever. There wasn't enough water in the world, there wasn't enough of Soojin, of the brilliance that she was, that she possessed. Shuhua felt as if her throat was dry, she needed the water, needed the fulfillment, and she loved it too, but there wasn't enough for her, there never was. 

Shuhua felt like fire, burning, seeping, livid, and despicable. She burned her way through life, never managing to follow the rules for a fragment of a second; she lived on her own pathway, and now she wasn't so sure if this confidence she felt because she was independent was a good thing anymore. Was she really too much a flame for her own good? Would things be better off if she shut up, if she submitted, if she stopped fighting?

Would Soojin love her then? Would she be a first choice for once? Would her parents actually acknowledge the good that she's done, instead of focusing on how much of a mess she really was? Would she finally stop having to be the dirt on the carpet that everyone stepped on?

Or was this the truth? Was this what her life really was, without the ridiculous filter she had put on it? 

She was just the daughter of a rich man, nothing more. She wasn't kind, she wasn't nice, she wasn't pretty, or perfect, or talented, or anything that her parents expected from her. She wasn't intelligent like her sister, who could figure out math in the blink of an eye, or who could follow a science experiment without flaw. She wasn't Lucas, who was a master at communication, at negotiating, and for a second she could understand why her father had picked him over her. 

She was just Yeh Shuhua, and now she wasn't sure whether that's something to be proud of or not. 

This was an unconventional method, of letting out her fears and worries on paper when she was alone. Regardless of who actually paid attention to her or not, she wouldn't dare let a tear fall in front of people who could call her weak. Her strength was something she could control, and she would die before she would let her walls break down. 

She swallowed, closing her notebook as she let her hands rest on the fabric of the cover. Yuqi had been nice enough to go behind their parents' back, an hour walk, just to buy this for her. It was something she treasured. The latter had surprised her for her birthday when everyone else besides her friends had forgotten. That was the only time she'd ever allowed herself to cry in her sister's arms.

"Shu? Are you alright?" Her daydream was cut short by her brother and Soojin, who both stood at her doorstep, wearing matching smiles. Shuhua was slightly resentful, a bitter taste forming in her mouth as she nodded, her next cue was to immediately hide the journal under the covers; she saw how Soojin's eyes dilated a bit when she looked at her, and then the notebook. Shuhua had never let her know much about her writing, if she could help it. 

"Is that your notebook?" Lucas walked towards her, as she stared back at him, not even bothering to reply. His hands reached out to take a look at it when she jerked her arm back, her body falling to the head of the bed as she now glared at him.

"Not a chance, Lucas." She bit back, her voice issuing a warning as her eyes flickered between his and Soojin's, the latter just looking at her with an unreadable expression. "There's a reason I don't let people read these."

"You let Yuqi read some of them! Why not me?!"

"She bought me the journal, Lucas. She was the only person in this family who remembered my birthday. She was even kind enough to buy me a gift." Shuhua responded, her voice monotone. 

"Are those love poems in there? Do you have a boyfriend?" Lucas was making every excuse in the book as to why she wouldn't let him read it, and Shuhua's face blushed, as yes, these were love poems. Rather, poems about unrequited love. That was as close as she'd ever get. 

Soojin looked back at her, and Shuhua could've sworn that she'd seen her eyes darken, a form of a frown plastered on her face. "Lucas just wanted to tell you that I'm staying over for dinner." Soojin said this with a smile, and Shuhua questioned herself as to why she didn't feel as excited about this as she normally would've been. 

"That's great." She responded shortly, a grim lined smile on her face, and Soojin looked at her questioningly. _Is everything alright?_

"I heard Mom is making chicken; I'm so excited! She'll yell at Shuhua later for not helping, though." Lucas commented, Soojin giggling quietly. There it was again, the bitter taste, the snake on her shoulders, gripping at her source of oxygen. 

"I better get on it, then." She bit back, Lucas raising an eyebrow. "You never cook--"

"Things are bound to change around here anyways, I might as well as turn over a new leaf. I'll get going now; I'll see you two later." Shuhua walked to the door, feeling Soojin's hand on her arm as she looked up at the older with confusion.

"I can help." She offered, as Shuhua cursed under her breath at the distance. 

"No need, you're our guest. Spend some more time with Lucas, you seemed to be enjoying your time with each other, right?" 

"Shuhua, I can help, really--"

"I'll be downstairs." She left before Soojin could protest more, her heart hurting at the truth that she just spoke, that she would just be better off downstairs, in the kitchen, with her mouth shut and her feelings for Soojin shoved down all the way into the grave. 

Things were better this way, when the fire wouldn't destroy the rain, and everything around it. 

* * *

With a heavy heart, she entered the kitchen. She would've laughed at Yuqi's priceless expression if not for the underlying circumstances. The latter had her mouth open in disbelief, her eyes widened, and her hands gripping the dough in shock. 

"Tell me I'm dreaming. You're really in the kitchen."

"Hate to burst your bubble then, Qi. I'm here." She tied her hair back, putting on an apron, as Yuqi flashed out of her trance, her hands kneading the dough roughly. "Forgive me, I'm just surprised to see feminist Shuhua here in the kitchen, doing the most possibly domestic action ever: cooking dinner."

"I thought it's time that I turned over a new leaf. Things are changing around here." She repeated her sentence from earlier, for there were no other words to be spoken. Yuqi looked at her with curiosity, her eyes trying to decipher her sister. Nothing worked until Soojin walked into the kitchen for a moment, Lucas' hand on her wrist, and then Yuqi followed Shuhua's own eyes, a welcomed hurricane. 

_Oh no..._

_This is why she's in the kitchen._

"Hey guys!" Soojin chirped, Shuhua wincing at the sound of her voice. "What are you making?"

Yuqi felt pity for her sister, who just wanted to be left alone. She knew that Shuhua was hard on herself, and how her parents treated their youngest child so unfairly. She hated that her family made Shuhua feel that way, and there was no way that Soojin and Lucas together wasn't rubbing more salt into her gaping wound. 

"Chicken and bread. Shuhua here cooks well when she wants to." 

Soojin walked over towards her, a soft smile on her face, pinching Shuhua's cheek lightly. "So cute. I'll have to see how well it is later, then." Shuhua blushed, her hand automatically returning the place of Soojin's fingers, her eyes widened slightly. 

"We're gonna be late, Soojin." Lucas nagged, and Soojin sighed, before bidding the girls farewell. "We'll be back soon, I promise I'll be here to eat the delicious food you made!" Yuqi nodded as Soojin returned to Lucas' side, the two exchanging words before the front door shut, and now it was just the two of them again in a largely suffocating mansion. 

Yuqi watched how her sister's head hung in her hands, the rolling pin flat on the cutting board as she pulled out a chair, sitting down for a second. After putting the chicken in the oven, Yuqi joined her sister, her heart aching for her. 

"This must be hard on you, I reckon. I know it hurts."

"It makes me wonder if I'll ever be good enough for anyone. I'm always the last choice." Shuhua whispered, fighting back the tears in her eyes. She wouldn't cry, she wouldn't be weak.

"You're never my last choice. Mom and Dad don't treat you as you should be treated, with careful hands and admiration. You're so brave, Shuhua."

"Am I really? Dad might've been right about this, about how useless I am. It was only a matter of time before my false sense of maturity cracked; now I have absolutely nothing left." She sighed, Yuqi's arms comforting her as her sister hugged her tightly. Yuqi's mouth opened and closed a couple of times. She disagreed with what Shuhua was saying, but she knew that just arguing with the girl wouldn't do much.

Confidence was a journey, with uphill battles, tears, disappointment, reassurance, and so much more. Shuhua needed to learn to value herself by herself; you can't teach someone how to love themselves. 

"I think you should go out tonight, to Lisa and Jennie's. I'll make sure they know you're coming. You need a night off." Yuqi whispered as Shuhua nodded, letting the older play with her hair. 

They stayed like this for a while.

* * *

They all sat at the table, Yuqi offering to sit next to their father this time, to which Shuhua greatly appreciated. On her right sat her mother again, Lucas and Soojin across from her. She prodded at her own food; the chicken looked amazing, and so did the bread. She wasn't hungry when all she could feel was nausea at the sight in front of them, at Lucas' obvious stare on Soojin. Yuqi's hand rested in her left, her right gripping the fork a little too tightly. Soojin noticed this, noticed that she hadn't eaten a bite of her food from the beginning, and was shooting her worried looks that the latter decided to ignore. 

"This food is amazing. You always deliver, Yuqi!" Her father complimented her. 

"Actually, Shuhua made the chicken. She basically prepared the whole meal." Yuqi grinned at her sister who forced a small smile, her parents' eyes wide in disbelief as they looked at Shuhua. "You made this? Without a protest?"

"Yes, I did." Her voice was abnormally soft and quiet, too feminine for her liking. "Do you all like it?" She practically whispered, still prodding at her food. 

"I am so proud of you, sweetie! You're finally embracing what I've taught you." Her mother exclaimed with glee, Shuhua just nodding in silence as she sat there. 

"How is the election going, father?" Lucas asked, his hands tucked onto the table, both on top of Soojin's left. Now, Shuhua really wasn't hungry at all. "Well, son, it's going great! We just have to spend some time doing press and promotions. After that, I will hand the business over to you completely."

Soojin looked over at Shuhua, expecting an outburst like she had explained the other day while they'd shared their milkshake. Silence dawned upon them, Shuhua just sitting there with sulken eyes, and Soojin felt herself getting more and more worried. The younger girl loved food, loved being outspoken and loud. Loved teasing her father and her siblings. What was happening to her?

"Soojin, I'm very glad you're here! You and Lucas do seem to be getting along quite well, aren't you?" Soojin felt herself blush from the attention that was put on her, a shy nod replacing the need for words. Yes, Lucas was great company and did like him.

But he wasn't Shuhua. She didn't _love_ him like she loved his sister. 

"That's great! With you and Shuhua in the kitchen, we could make such extravagant dinners!" Yuqi spared some humor to laugh at her mother's excited-ness, the repercussions of what society had forced her to think when she was a young girl, and what she was now doing to Shuhua. 

"I sure hope so, Mrs. Yeh." Soojin responded politely, Shuhua's mother ecstatic at the fact of having someone so domestic in the household and for her son. Shuhua thought she was gonna be sick. 

"Excuse me." She stood up, ignoring the looks from everyone else before she ran into her bedroom, closing the door. She forced herself to sit up beside the front of her bed, her dress falling on the floor as she just stared at the carpet. This was less suffocating, she thought. 

"What the hell is happening?" Soojin rushed over to her, shutting the door and falling onto her knees as Shuhua continued to look at the floor. "Shuhua, talk to me!" Soojin straddled her, Shuhua's eyes widening as the older grabbed her chin again, her eyes digging deep to find the source of Shuhua's worries. 

"I'm fine, Jin. You're worrying too much." Shuhua joked, a half laugh-half sigh exiting her mouth, and Soojin didn't look convinced in the slightest bit. "You really think I'm gonna buy that shit? Shu, we've been friends for 7 years, I know when something is up with you!"

"I didn't sleep much last night. My father giving Lucas the position must've kept me up." Soojin's eyes softened, her heart clenching for the latter. Like Yuqi, she also had eyes. She could tell that Shuhua wasn't treated well by her family, and she hated it. Hated that she couldn't shower her with the love she deserved instead. She wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to make her feel good. And she would've, if she wasn't so afraid of her family, of what people would think of her. She knew that she could be happy, and yet she was ashamed, ashamed of herself for choosing selfishness over her own happiness, and possibly someone else's. 

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize for something you didn't do, Jin. None of this is your fault." Shuhua reassured her, putting her guard down for a second to look at the latter. She looked so perfect, her black hair cascading down her back, some resting in front of her face in a part. Her skin was clear, her eyes a surge of hazelnut brown, and her lips, those cherry lips. Shuhua held herself back, the two just sitting in silence.

"Can we read a little? On-only if you're alright with it...?" Soojin said apprehensively, trying to make sure Shuhua was alright. The latter found this adorable, nodding, as Soojin grabbed her hand, the two girls skipping off to Shuhua's room before they stettled in the sheets, Shuhua flipping the pages of "Dracula", by Bram Stoker, a classic read. 

Soojin had her head buried into Shuhua's shoulder, feeling a little creeped out from the book. Shuhua was fearless and she kept reading more and more, not realizing how late it is. Yuqi opened the door quietly, biting back a smile at how cute the girls looked. 

"I let her know, Shu. Whenever you're ready. Goodnight guys, sleep well." Yuqi bid them farewell, and Soojin looked at her with curiosity. "What was that about?"

"I need to do something; Yuqi needs a favor."

"It's late, won't you just stay and cuddle with me?" Shuhua felt her heart skip a beat, but then she was reminded of the reality of the situation. Soojin was saying that because their best friends, they aren't lovers. A panging feeling started to hit again, and Shuhua knew she needed to get out of her soon.

"I'm sorry, I have to do this now."

"Be careful, and come back to me." Soojin whispered, hugging the latter tightly, as Shuhua nodded, running out of the room as she felt tears swimming in her eyes. Why did this hurt so much. 

She started along the path in the cold night; Jennie and Lisa would be there to listen to her, she knows they will.

Her warm breath hit the cool air, a vaporizing puff appearing in front of her face as she walked forwards, her feet taking her to her destination. Her slippers stumbled across the dirt roads; she had passed the town miles ago, now she was just in a haze of nothingness, the broadened fields of green grass being the only thing in her peripheral vision. Shuhua treasured this time to herself, that she could have a moment of silence to herself, and to let her thoughts roam around inside that dashingly complex mind of hers. 

Her heart beat fast at the very thought of Seo Soojin; she was so breathtakingly beautiful, her eyes, her smile, and her heart. Her heart was angelic, always so considerate and caring, and Shuhua struggled to figure out a world where she wouldn't have fallen for the person Soojin was. Her heart hurt, it hurt that she couldn't be what Soojin needed; instead Lucas had captured her, and Shuhua has never been so bitter about something more in her entire lifetime. 

Soojin was like the sky she was currently dazing at; clear, majestic, sparkling, _ethereal._ Shuhua stopped in the road for a second, another huff of thin air exiting her lungs as she craned her neck upwards, counting the stars in her pathway. Her fingers traced the constellations, the question of how much was really out there plaguing her thoughts; what is the potential of this world we'd been given? How much do we have yet to see?

The hooves of a horse clanked on the path behind her, coming to a full stop. Falling out of her enhancement, she blinked twice, her eyebrows raising when the doors opened, a man 7 years older than her jumping to the ground from the platform, a smile on his face, and that's when Shuhua _knew._ She hadn't seen _him_ in quite a while.

"I feel as if it would be proper for me to ask why you're out here in the depths of night, but then I wouldn't know you." He smiled softly, a hand reaching out for Shuhua's, and with a mirrored smile of relief and excitement, she took it, allowing him to lift her lightly into the carriage doors. He shut the barrier quickly, a hand evening out his hair as he thanked his driver, the reigns of the horse snapping and then they were on their way. 

_The carriage held but just Ourselves--_

_And Immortality._

"You're an interesting one, my friend. The shock never wears off." 

"It wouldn't be fun if it did, Shuhua. How is your father?"

"Still bitter. Although I don't doubt why you left him, Seokjin. He wasn't kind to you."

"The world isn't kind. I should have been wiser than to expect something different of him." Seokjin was a special one in Shuhua's life, a gem of sorts; her little secret, since his name had been tarnished by her father, the thrill of seeing something in secret was a high in which Shuhua had never known before. Her father hired him as a chief intern of their printing company; Jin had been given a better offer, and Shuhua thought it would be stupid of him not to take it. 

_"I don't want to leave you here, Shu. I had vowed to protect you from him." Jin looked at her with a remnant of sad eyes. He was like an older brother to her, definitely better than Lucas, who she doesn't consider to be more than a stranger, it seemed._

_"I'm tied to him by blood, Seokjin. I think like him, breathe like him, I am a part of him. I am just as evil as the next. And if I dare carry this guilt solely on my own, I shall. I cannot ask you to stay when you could clearly be happier somewhere else." She buried her head into his shoulder, a soft sigh leaving his lips. _

_"Are you sure about this? Once I leave, I can't come back---I won't come back."_

_"I've never been so sure of something in my life." She looked at him with a sad smile. "We can be each other little secrets, something you only tell to the stars of night."_

Shuhua watched as the vision of green fields and stars passed, the carriage moving at a decent pace on its own. "What is your destination? You wouldn't be miles away if you were just on a stroll."

"Jennie's. Yuqi suggested I spend a couple of hours there. God knows that I need it." Seokjin nodded, didn't ask questions. He grinned when Shuhua rested her head on his shoulder, pushing some of the hair back behind her ears. 

"I'm glad I was able to see you, Shu. I've missed my young Padawan."

"I've missed my mentor too. I've had to put up with extra Lucas for all this time. Him and his clouded progressive views. It's quite tiring." Shuhua laughed quietly, the hooves of the horse were still loud enough to drown out everything else.

"I never did like him, your brother. He's kind of a prick."

"Kind of?"

"Alright, fine. He's a total jackass. How are your other friends? Minnie? Miyeon? _Soojin?_ "

Shuhua felt herself wince at the last name, a painful reminder of her voyage to Lisa's. "They're alright. Soojin is sleeping over, but I left about an hour and a half ago, give or take." She looked at the watch she had grabbed before leaving. 

"I see you still have the watch I bought you. Smart move, waiting to wear it when you knew your father would yell at you; I've raised you well. Why did you leave her?"

"Lucas got to her first." Shuhua sighed, Seokjin offering her a smile out of pity. "We're here, young one. I'm sorry we didn't have more time."

She hugged him tightly, Seokjin patting her forehead. "I hope I see you again, Jinie."

"I know you will." He bowed, leaving her at the doorstep of Jennie's house; the lights were still on. _So Yuqi had finally kept a promise instead of forgetting, huh?_

Shuhua took a deep breath before knocking, the door opening in record time as Jennie was now in front of her, Lisa standing next to her. "Welcome back, Shu. Come on in."

* * *

"You smell like a man." Jennie commented, her mouth sour. Shuhua laughed, her hand around Jennie's shoulder. "It's Seokjin. He had found me on the road, gave me a ride and saved me another hour."

"I thought you were gay?" Lisa commented this time, a chuckle escaping her mouth, her hands holding a bottle and three glasses.

"I am! He's just a friend, my older brother. Lucas could be my 4th cousin and I wouldn't know the difference regarding the way our relationship is."

"And there we go. Makes more sense now. Do you want wine or bourbon?" Shuhua thought of a little while, a shaky sigh exiting her mouth. Wine would suffice; she would have to be back at the house before the sun rose; a hangover would not have helped. 

"Wine is fine. Thanks for taking care of me again, guys. I needed a drink." Jennie and Lisa were friends of Yuqi's who happened to be both great listeners. They alsoconstantly stole wine and bourbon from Jennie's father's store, and Shuhua always walked the distance if she needed to wind down a little bit. 

Lisa poured the wine into her glass, the two older girls settling for bourbon instead. The three of them sat together on the sofa now. "So what's up? Is your father being a dick again?"

Flashes of Soojin flooded into Shuhua's mind, making her grip the glass rather tightly. "Well, yes, but that's not what I'm here for."

"Do you want to talk about it? We can just drink, if that's what you want." Jennie said. "Whatever's good for you." Lisa added. 

"Soojin is sleeping over. She stayed for dinner this time."

"Isn't that good---"

"Lucas is stealing her away from me." Shuhua cut Lisa off. "And I think she's falling for him. I've seen her look at men who she fancied; Lucas is getting the same look. I just... It just hurts, knowing that my brother gets _everything ,_ and yet, the one thing that I love, that I would do anything for, he suddenly steals that from me too. It's bad enough that my parents don't like me for my outlandish nature, but this too?" Jennie and Lisa sat there quietly, letting Shuhua rant it all out.

"I question if I really should submit, if I should just quit. I'm looking for some sort of guardian angel to come rescue me, to take me far away from here. I don't want to face her when all I'm reminded of is how much a failure I am; I can't help but to feel my heart beating fast when she looks at me, and I hate it. I hate the helplessness I feel, that I can only watch as she's whisked away from me." Shuhua sighed, taking another swig of wine. Jennie seemed to ponder for a moment. 

"Do you know if she's actually into him? There could be an inkling that she's not, after all. I suggest that you ask her, see what she says. If she says yes, I think, unfortunately, that your battle might be over. It may be best to move on."

"I agree with Jen, and I know how much she means to you. You wouldn't want to loose a friend over something like this, albeit the pain. It sucks that society is like this, that you can't even live without facing ridicule. It all depends on how much you're willing to risk. Are you willing to risk everything, or nothing at all?"

Shuhua had downed the entire cup already, her head swimming in her hands. "I love her... but if she's happy with him, I'm willing to suffer. I would do anything for her, even if I have to break myself to do it." Shuhua decided.

"Every action you decide on has a different set of consequences. Think of this as three doors: one is to suffer in silence while she finds love in Lucas, another is to take your shot and see how that goes, and the last one is to move on, to try and find someone new. Once you enter a door, you can't go back. Life is just a brutal game, and choosing the wrong choice can mean the worst things possible." Lisa sputtered, her glass empty as well. 

"How will I know if I've made the right choice?"

"You won't." Jennie answered. 

Shuhua felt the exhaustion running through her brain, black spots peering between her eyes. "It's alright to sleep for a moment, Shu. Go ahead." Jennie and Lisa gave her a set of clothes to change into, her head hitting the pillow as sleep overtook her. 

"I hope she's alright." Lisa muttered, Jennie nodding. "Me too."

_Soojin looked at the clock, her head pounding. It was 4 am, and Shuhua had never returned._

_She didn't come back like Soojin had asked, like she'd promised._


	2. The Savior must have been a docile Gentlemen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The course of true love never did run smooth." She looked at them with telling eyes, a hint of mischief and curiosity looming in dark pupils, and Shuhua was undeniably drawn into such a presence. 
> 
> "A Midsummer Night's dream. How peculiar of you, I must say." The woman's eyes lifted up slightly, a smirk ridden on her perfect features.
> 
> "Not many people push past their capabilities. I like to think of myself as someone different."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i hope you're doing well!
> 
> i just thought i would tell you guys that the names of the chapters are titles of emily dickinson's poems; just thought that would be cool to throw in there. the broach mentioned in this chapter was also a real artifact from the dickinson household!
> 
> also, sorry for the inconsistency on the writing in general. once something provokes me, i have a tendency to remain fixated on just that one thing, and i tend to forget about the other projects i have lol. please bear with me!
> 
> here are some picture references from the dresses mentioned in this chapter:
> 
> minnie- https://www.lucyinthesky.com/shop/key-west-a-line-dress-in-lavender?usd&network=g&device=c&keyword=&campaign=%2A%2ALP+-+Shop+-+NonTM+-+Party+Dresses&adgroup=pla-295027963576&gclid=CjwKCAiA5IL-BRAzEiwA0lcWYnNwtJTw3oxV8Hk-tjgB1aJsy-InUs2g-5hQtRIE8FNqrqSnVr5KAxoCXrAQAvD_BwE
> 
> miyeon- https://images.app.goo.gl/qft7QAgDVxvxvTpM8
> 
> soojin- https://images.app.goo.gl/o5bqmWbs9Y9iss9NA
> 
> shuhua- https://images.app.goo.gl/SXpZ17uXqMFoo2Bo8

"Shuhua."

"Shuhua..."

"Shuhua!" The raven haired girl flew off the bed, her body aching as she landed on the floor with a thud. Her vision was blurry, her head hurt and her ears were ringing. The only thing she could understand was the laughter of Lisa as she offered her a hand, pulling Shuhua back up to sit on the bed with an annoyed pout. "Did you have to do that?"

"Of course I didn't, but this was funnier." Lisa clapped back, shaking Shuhua's body as the other girl groaned in protest, shaking the older off. "Why the fuck did you wake me? Wait--fuck!" Shuhua stood up, Lisa cackling ever harder, holding her stomach, and Shuhua's patience was running thin. 

"My father is gonna have me beheaded! Fuck, I'm screwed!" Shuhua cursed, Lisa putting her hands on her shoulders, calming the young girl down a little. "Relax, sunshine. It's only 7 am. If you get home before 9, you'll be alright."

Shuhua flew off the bed, her mind going haywire. She didn't have time to change out of the clothes Jennie had lended her, she hoped the older girl didn't mind. Speaking of Jennie...

"Where's Jen?" Shuhua asked, running back and forth to retrieve all of her stuff that she'd put down upon her arrival last night. She was supposed to be back home before sun rose. That was 2 hours ago. "She's in town, working with a friend. She told me to tell you that you're always welcome here, no matter what time it is."

_Ok, whew. There's my stuff._

"Thank you for everything, Lisa. I'm grateful that the two of you listened to me, gave me advice and alcohol. I appreciate it so much, and I'm sorry that I have to rush out of here. I would've totally overstayed my welcome if I wanted my head served on a platter." Shuhua basically rapped, Lisa nodding, giving her a big hug as she flew out of the door; her journey back home had just started.

+++

She was exhausted. Her forehead dripped with sweat, her body tired, as she ran as fast as she could, eventually nearing the porch of her family mansion, thanking her lucky star that her father's carriage was still here; that he was still sleeping. She reckoned that her mother and her sister were up, and perhaps Lucas too. For a moment she had forgotton about Soojin, about the fact that the latter was sleeping here, and about the fact that the latter had asked her to come back---

_I'm really fucking things up today, huh?_

Shuhua winced at the thought of disappointing Soojin, remembering that the latter had probably spent her night with Lucas. She would've killed to spend another night at Lisa's place, if not for her responsibilities here as the child of a rich man. God, she would change everything if she would.

She tiptoed to the door, a maid smiling at her as she quickly let her inside, not questioning why she was sweating, and where she'd been. "Good morning, Miss Shuhua." 

"Morning, Yongsun. Please don't tell my father about this; I got caught up with a friend last night, I will be sure to help you and Byul with the laundry later." Shuhua whispered back, Yongun laughing quietly as she nodded. "Your secret is safe with me. Byul will be delighted to see you once again." Shuhua bowed at her maid; she always liked the two of them, even going as far as to consider them as her friends.

Her feet treaded lightly across the large staircase, her mind cursing her father for being rich and having such a large house. She made a run for it, bolting as lightly as she could into her bedroom door, closing her eyes as she let herself lean against the door. Her breathing was clammy, and she had hair stuck to the sides of her face. She was in desperate need of a shower. 

"Where the hell have you been?" An angry voice shocked her, making her jump slightly. Soojin sat on the front of her bed, her arms crossed, and her face was extremely angry, more than Shuhua had predicted. 

"I'm--"

"Actually, I'm not even gonna let you answer that yet. I've been sitting here for _hours_! Hours! And you don't have the decency to come back to me?! I told you to come back! Why didn't you come back?! You promised!"

"Soojin unnie, I'm sorry---"

"I'm not done!" Soojin kept moving closer to the latter, Shuhua gulping as her back rested on the door; there was nowhere for her to run. "Do you understand what could've happened to you?! You're a young, pretty, defenseless girl, and someone could've kidnapped you! Or taken advantage of you! Or killed you! You're rich, Shuhua! They could've tortured you!" Soojin's voice broke, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I don't know what I would've done if someone would've dared to hurt a single hair on your little perfect head. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I lost you, Shuhua. If I couldn't see your little cheeky smile anymore. Don't you dare leave me again." Soojin was so close to her, if she moved, their lips would've touched. 

The older grabbed Shuhua's body, hugging her as if her life depended on it. Shuhua hugged her back, her heart breaking as Soojin buried her head into her shoulder. Her heart was beating so fast at the proximity, at the thought that Soojin was actually _worried_ about her. However, her mind always faltered back to the thought that she was a second choice, that Soojin shouldn't be hugging her. She should be hugging Lucas.

"I'm sorry that I didn't come back, Jin. My obligations required more time that I had anticipated." Shuhua muttered, walking to the bed as Soojin still clung onto her. "I think I need a shower."

The duo laid in Shuhua's bed together, Soojin's body resting on top of hers. "The shower can wait. I need you close right now." Soojin whispered, Shuhua's face turning beet red as the latter giggled, her head resting on Shuhua's chest. "Your heart is beating so fast, Shu."

Shuhua almost passed out from the embarrassment, her brain racking up anything as an excuse. "Well, I ran here for the better part of an hour and a half. You yelling at me didn't help much." She laughed sheepishly, Soojin looking at her with a pout. 

"I'm sorry for yelling, I didn't mean to scare you."

"I deserved it, for making you wait." The two girls laid there in silence, the latter's breathing could only be heard; this was paradise, in Soojin's arms. If only she could stay here forever, instead of facing the life she'd been bred into.

_"I suggest that you ask her, see what she says."_

_Should she ask?_

_Screw it. She needed an answer._

"Hey, Soojin unnie?" The latter propelled herself up onto her arms, her body was now directly over Shuhua's, her eyes, staring into her soul as the latter felt her body being pushed down into the mattress. Shuhua felt her heart skip another beat--her mind going places that it shouldn't. 

"Yeah? Everything alright?" The latter seemed almost normal, as if her problems had been solved just by being in Shuhua's presence, in her arms. The younger liked to dream. 

_Ask her._

"Do you like Lucas?"

Soojin looked at her for a second, as if questioning what this was asking, or why she would ask such a thing. Her eyebrows furrowed, Shuhua's breath taken away as she waited for an answer. "Of course I like him, he's a cool guy."

"Unnie, I---I meant--do you _like_ him?" This time it seemed to seep into Soojin's brain, the latter's eyes widening at such a question. Shuhua thought she was going crazy; Soojin's scent was burning its way into her body; Soojin's eyes studied hers, her body pressed against Shuhua, and Shuhua felt as if she couldn't breathe, that she was being suffocated by the very thought of Soojin. Her hands were a blazing touch, Shuhua's skin feeling like fire as Soojin's hands pressed against her shoulders lightly. 

About 10 seconds had passed, Soojin nodding. "I--uh--yes, I like him."

Shuhua felt her head pang, a feeling of nausea coursing through her veins, her eyes getting blurry, her teeth chattering. Soojin liked her brother, of course she did. Shuhua had been a fool to think otherwise, to think that she had a chance, when she was just Yeh Shuhua, nothing more, nothing less. She didn't have any redeeming qualities, and she was starting to accept that her purpose _was_ to just be a second choice. 

Her heart sank, a dreading feeling overwhelming her sentences. It hurt. Her heart was hurting, her head was on fire, her mind was a haywire, as if she was a motherboard that had just been dropped into water, shocking and then not respondent. She should've expected this, why didn't she expect this?!

_"How will I know what the right choice is?"_

_"You won't."_

"Shu? Are you alright?" Soojin's voice broke her out of her thoughts, the latter's eyes training her body, looking for a source. Shuhua nodded, internally cursing. "Sorry, I'm just... I'm happy for you Soojin."

She looked right into Soojin's eyes and _lied._

"I really am." She whispered.

* * *

After getting out of the shower, Shuhua had joined the rest of the family downstairs. She'd excused the conversation with Soojin with the need for a shower, that her father would be up any minute, and that they would have to be downstairs by then. Soojin didn't protest, she'd just nodded, leaving the younger girl to her own thoughts. 

She trailed her sluggish body down the stairs, her head still hurting from the whirlwind of a morning she'd had, her legs killing from the marathon she'd previously ran in exchange for her own life. She caught Yuqi's eyes, the latter immediately turning to walk to the kitchen with her. 

"How did last night go?" 

"It felt nice to take a night off. I had some wine, and they even gave me some advice."

"Your head must be pounding now. Did you take it?"

"Yup. Didn't end the way I wanted it to, what did I expect? Jen told me to ask Soojin if she actually _liked_ Lucas."

"And?"

"Of course she does." Shuhua whispered back to her, her sister offering her a look of pity before sighing and handing her the tongs. The maids had prepared a buffet for today's extravagant breakfast, courtesy of the wants and needs of her bigoted father. Shuhua would've been fine with a bowl of cereal; she'd have to thank the maids for the meal later. 

"Shuhua! Yuqi! My two favorite daughters!" Their father greeting them, the two girls looking at each other before doing a required bow. "We're your only daughters, idiot." She mumbled, and Yuqi cackled at her. 

"Come, sit at the table with the rest of us! I have more news!" He was awfully jolly this morning, ironically when she wasn't. Shuhua wasn't sure whether the universe could only balance things out by making her father find happiness when she didn't. 

Relectantly, Shuhua and Yuqi found two seats next to each other, Soojin and Lucas sitting across from them. Shuhua winced as the latter looked at her, shooting her a smile. Shuhua grimly smiled back, trying to eat her food in peacefulness as her father banged his hands onto the table, making her scoff internally. Her morning was definitely ruined now. 

"Everyone, please come in here!" Mark shouted, Lucas looking at him weirdly. "Dad, you don't have to---"

"Let your father finish!" Shuhua's mother defended, making Shuhua roll her eyes. Soojin laughed at that. 

The maids and the staff filed in, Yongsun and Byul looking at Shuhua as the latter shrugged. "Now that everyone is in here, I have an announcement to make!"

"I'm having a party tonight, to celebrate my running in the election! We will find out whether I've won in 2 weeks!" The staff clapped, their faces of stone as Mark Yeh jumped cheerily in his seat, having the composure of a 4 year old boy. Wasn't too far off if you asked Shuhua. 

"Now, you three girls will have to go into today for dresses. Yuqi, you said that Yeoreum was coming in today?" A nod. "Perfect! Soojin, you're with Shuhua. Sorry to do that to you!"

Shuhua winced at her father's comment. She wouldn't lie and say that didn't hurt a little bit. "Actually, sir, I think Shuhua is great company. I love spending time with her." Soojin said bravely, Shuhua's eyebrows twitching, as well as her father's. "That's interesting... Well, I suppose that Shuhua's outlandish nature could be funny." That was all that they'd get out of him, and Shuhua was fine with that. Soojin smiled at her, this time a bright one, and Shuhua sent one back.

She'd just have to get used to this new normal---to her brother and Soojin. She wouldn't want to give Soojin up if she didn't have to.

* * *

"I find it funny that we've found ourselves in this same exact predicament again." Minnie laughed, her arm around Miyeon, as the four girls walked to each other into town. " I agree. We were literally just here the other day." Miyeon added, Shuhua observing the way that she leaned into Minnie's touch. She made a mental note to ask her about that later.

"I had no way of knowing that my father would randomly throw a party. I mean, he's rich enough to have me tortured and dead in a ditch so--"

"Shuhua, that's not funny." Soojin glared at her, their conversation from earlier being brought up again, as well as Soojin's confession for her brother. Just when she'd finally forgotten about that...

"Sorry." Shuhua smiled sheepishly. "God, how could I be mad at you when you're just so cute?!" Soojin pinched Shuhua's cheeks, Minnie giving the youngest girl a raised eyebrow.

"My father hates me, it's not a big deal, really."

"He said some rude things earlier, it's messed up!" Soojin protested, Miyeon jumping into the conversation as well. "What did he say?"

"He said that being in Shuhua's presence is unfortunate! What is this blasphemy! He's just jealous that his daughter is a great person and he's not!"

"I'm really not that great of a person, Soojin unnie--"

"Don't even finish that sentence!" Miyeon glared at her, Shuhua rolling her eyes before nodding, shutting her mouth up. Minnie smiled happily, ruffling the latter's hair, as Shuhua ran away from her, the older following.

"They're so cute." Miyeon whispered, a large smile resting on her delicate face. "I know." Soojin responded, her eyes following the youngest as she ran around the town square, Minnie chasing after her, both girls laughing with joy.

"Soojin..." The younger felt the mood switch, Miyeon looking at her expectantly. She'd promised the latter she would say something, but the realness overwhelmed her, and she wasn't quite sure that she could take such a risk, knowing that she wouldn't be able to take it back.

"Miyeon, please."

"You said you'd tell her how you felt..."

"I'm sorry." Soojin wasn't sure who she should be apologizing to. Miyeon, for breaking her promise, or herself, for letting fear consume her. The talons of fear grabbed her by the ankles and dragged her in the depths of Tartarus, never to see the light of day again. She was so _afraid._ Afraid of what others would think of her, of what she herself would think of the kind of person she would be. Was happiness worth sacrificing the security of family for?

"I know." Miyeon looked at her with telling eyes, ones that stood in her corner ultimately, not without a hint of disappointment first. The oldest had been in her place before; she'd thought the same exact thoughts, had the same fears. It was up to Soojin only, what she prioritized. She couldn't force the younger to do anything, albeit she wanted to. It was liberating, living truly to yourself.

"Miyeonie! Let's go! I won't buy you ice cream if you walk like a tortoise!" Minnie shouted from across the square, Soojin looking at the latter as a blush of pink arose on Miyeon's cheeks, a roll of the eyes following before nodding and speeding up.

"Minnie is rather impatient today, don't you think?" Shuhua asked Soojin, the latter laughing softly before nodding. "She's off her rocker. Miyeon is suprisingly putting up with it, too." 

"I think I have an inkling about that. I'll have to confirm it later." Shuhua voiced out, Soojin smirking. "Really? You'll have to confide in me later then, Detective Yeh."

"Sure thing, Miss Seo. I will be of service." Shuhua dutifully bowed, Soojin giggling again as she wrapped her arm around Shuhua, the dynamic duo following the senior citizens into the dress maker.

The shop was cute, racks of different dresses ran across the shelves in fervor, different shades and hues being available in order to suit your preference. A curtain stood at the back of the store, a block of proclaimed space in order to try on the dress. Once you did, you'd have it tailored to your needs. One sale down, another to go. 

"This place is so pretty!" Minnie cheered, Miyeon laughing before walking up to the counter. "It's my cousin's shop. I figured that we could come here, instead of getting tailored by a creepy perv." 

"I would sure hope that I'm not some pervert. I cannot believe you'd insult me like that, Miyeonie." A woman's voice could be heard from where they stood, Miyeon yipping up as she hugged her cousin quite tightly. "Jisoo!"

The name sounded familiar to Shuhua, like she'd heard that same name uttered out of someone's mouth. She couldn't put her finger on it though...

"Kim! Come here and help!" The Jisoo girl shouted into the back, a figure appearing in front of Shuhua's eyes, and now she understood where she'd heard the name from.

"Jennie?" 

"Shu!" The latter ran up to her, hugging her again, the 2nd time in the span of 24 hours. Jennie seemed to forget that they'd spent hours together last night. 

"What are you girls here for?" Jisoo broke their reunion, Jennie joining the latter's side now. "We need dresses for Shuhua's father's party tonight, and I was hoping that you could hook us up?" Miyeon asked, as Jisoo nodded, her mind already trying to piece together different types of dresses for the group of girls. 

"This should be interesting." Jennie whispered to Shuhua, the latter laughing. She felt a pull on her arm, Soojin tightening her hold on the youngest girl, a subtle glare being sent out towards Jennie. 

"This _will_ be interesting." Jennie muttered, getting right to work on the dresses. 

+++

Minnie had decided on a sultry purple silk dress, the fabric up to her mid-thigh. Miyeon had matched the same style, opting for a green dress instead. Soojin choose a burgundy dress, the sleeves slightly long, as the mesh fabric hugged her figure nicely. Shuhua could barely keep her eyes off the latter, choosing to stare at the floor instead. 

"Let's see what you choose!" Jisoo encouraged, Shuhua walking out of the changing room with a confident smirk. She'd chosen a matte navy blue dress, one sleeve going down her arm, the other side was sleeveless. Her collarbone popped out, her pale skin complimenting the pigment of the dark blue nicely. She'd definitely looked like a catch. 

The girls hollered as she walked out, Minnie and Miyeon jumping up and down. "Our baby is all grown up!" 

Soojin looked at her for a second too long, her eyes reaching up and down Shuhua's figure, her breath being caught at the back of her throat. Shuhua looked like an angel. 

"Would you look at that? I'm assuming she was also into you?" Jennie whispered into her ear, adjusting the dress to make it slightly shorter. "What?" Shuhua answered her cluelessly. 

"What did Soojin say to you? Did you ask her?"

"She said she liked Lucas." Shuhua pouted. 

"Are you sure about that?" Jennie asked, a smirk ridden on her face. "Yes, that's what she said."

_I see what's happening here. Two can play at that game._

Jennie let her hands fall down to Shuhua's hips, pulling the latter closer, making Shuhua crane her neck back. The scene look definitively raunchy, just how Jennie wanted it. "Unnie? What are you doing?"

"Trust me, Shuhua. I know what I'm doing here." Jennie pulled the fabric of Shuhua's front a little lower, revealing more of her chest, as Soojin visibly stilled. Her breathing shortened; she gulped, unable to look away, and Shuhua had finally caught her eyes, asking her if she was alright, to which the latter nodded, immediately throwing herself into a conversation with Miyeon and Jisoo instead. 

Jennie let go of Shuhua's hips, before letting go of the dress as well. "The dress looks great Shu. You'll be the talk of the town later."

"Thanks for your help, unnie. I appreciate it, and thank you for last night, I really needed it."

"Anything for you Shu."

The group of girls thanked Jisoo, paying for their dresses before they headed out of the shop. "Shuhua, wait!"

"What is it, unnie?"

"I wouldn't trust what Soojin said earlier to you, love. There's more beyond the surface there, I can tell."

* * *

The Yeh household was on wheels, a vehicle moving about 100 miles per hour, and Shuhua felt her head spinning. 

"Miss Yeh!"

"Is this baked enough for your father?"

"You will be coming from the top of the staircase!"

"Are these flowers good for the party?"

Shuhua politely ignored the spur of comments that her mother would've been delighted to answer, her body leaning on her door in the same fashion as earlier as she hurried into her room, catching her breath, as her friends laid down on her bed, Soojin sitting in the rocking chair instead. 

"You made it past the big boss level! Consider yourself a game master!" Minnie joked, Shuhua chuckling as she tried to catch her breath, falling onto her knees. "I'm so tired!"

"I can't believe that they ask you so many questions. The maids at my house don't even acknowledge me at all." Miyeon wondered. "Your father might've bestowed the misogyny on your house staff, I'm afraid." Soojin laughed. 

"I'm glad my dress isn't ruined. I had to jump all the way around the hallway to not bump into burning hot platters of unnecessary finger foods. Who needs miso soup at a party?! Just have chips and dip?"

"Shuhua, that's defeating the whole purpose..." Soojin laughed, patting her lap, as Shuhua reluctantly sat on it. "This whole thing is fucking stupid." The youngest pouted, as Soojin laughed, holding Shuhua even closer, her head burying itself into Shuhua's neck, as the latter bit her lip from the closeness. 

"Hey, at least Lucas will gain more attention. He's up for the business." Miyeon tried to cheer the latter up, Shuhua sighing as she nodded. She supposed that was good. 

"Lucas and Soojin unnie here. She'll be his date." Shuhua admitted, Minnie and Miyeon having their mouths open, each for different reasons. "Are you serious?" Minnie asked, still in disbelief.

"Yes. I will be his date." The older duo looked at each other for a second, before each looking at the other two, each of their stares holding two different connotations. One of pity, and one of plain distaste and disappointment. 

"What about Yuqi?" Minnie asked suddenly, changing the subject effectively, as Shuhua shrugged. "She went out today with her friend, but I'm not quite sure what her plan is. My sister is brilliant, she'll figure something out." Shuhua raved proudly, Minnie smiling at the look on the youngest face. Shuhua loved her sister more than most things in this world, they were sure of that. 

"And what about you?" Miyeon asked, Shuhua feeling Soojin still behind her. 

"I'll figure something out as well. Perhaps Mother's broach will spare me some luck." Shuhua stood up, much to Soojin's dismay, as she walked across her room, picking the golden broach off of the shelf. The design was pretty, with black diamonds outlining the center, and her initials on the back. The family heirloom was originally her great-grandmother's, the woman who she'd been named after, and therefore the same initials that were on the back were also hers. 

"That's pretty." Miyeon's fingers pressed down on the gold, tracing the outlines of black. "That's why Mother raved about it. It had been in my father's family for years, until his mother gave it to my mother; she only had sons, and then it went down to me; I'm assuming it's because I inherited her name as well, and it wouldn't make sense to give it to Yuqi. 

"It's dashing, just like you." Soojin said softly, looking at Shuhua with a smile, as Shuhua blushed a light pink, cursing herself for falling under Soojin's spell. Why couldn't just see the latter as her friend only?

A knock could be heard on her door, Shuhua opening up the door to her sister, who fitted into a glowing silver dress. "You all look great, but I'm afraid I have to ruin the reunion. The party is starting, and Shu and I are supposed to enter separately."

Shuhua looked at her friends who smiled back at her. "See you guys on the other side." She saluted, the three girls laughing, before shutting the door and walking with Yuqi. 

"You look amazing Shu. The men and women are gonna be falling for you in a heartbeat!"

"You as well, my dear sister. That's if Lucas doesn't plaster his face everywhere and ruin the show for the both of us."

"He'll be exactly like the second coming of our father; annoying and always in your business!" Yuqi laughed, Shuhua soon following, before they stood together before a pair of doors, waiting for their names to be called.

_ **Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Yeh Family's wonderful ball! They've trusted me, Mark Lee, to host this wonderful event, and I will start off by introducing the exemplary parents who are behind this entire event!** _

_ **I welcome, Mark and Yu-Ting!** _

Shuhua and Yuqi could hear the hollers from behind the door, looking through the cracks to get a gauge for what was happening. The only thing they could see was their father walking swiftly, a confident smirk on his face that they'd wanted to slap off.

"He's such an ass."

"I know."

**_Thank you all for coming, and for celebrating with us!_ **Mark had stolen the mic again. _**Let's enjoy ourselves tonight!**_

_**Okay, well, those were--uh--wise words from Mark Yeh! Next up in line, is Lucas Yeh, the possible inheritor of Yeh Printing Co!** _

A boom of applause roared as Lucas cascaded down the stairs from a different entry point. His smile was bright, his hair was perfect. Shuhua wondered if he'd whisked Soojin's breath away as she did hers. 

"You're up next, sis."

**_This family just gets better as we go along! Our next contender is the intelligent and brilliant Yuqi Yeh!_ **

Shuhua smiled as the doors opened, Yuqi shooting her one last grin before walking elegantly down the stairs, an even larger bout of applause for her than her parents and her brother. At least one thing was good in this world.

She watched her sister greet many people, her amazing personality carrying her through the crowd, and over to the table in the front where the rest of her family was seated. 

**_Lastly, we have my personal favorite, the dashingly breathtaking Shuhua Yeh!_ **

The doors opened once more, Shuhua flashing on a bright grin as she walked into the room slowly. The ballroom was magnificent, she must say. The chandeliers were bright and shiny, the white marble floors and walls were quite a sight, and Shuhua could see the large crowd that covered every single inch of the room. They had had a large turnout for tonight, it seemed.

She walked down the stairs elegantly, the applause was the loudest for her to her confusion, and she locked eyes Minnie and Miyeon, who smiled brightly at her, and Soojin, who grinned with such caring eyes that Shuhua felt as if she would cry. 

"Shuhua!"

"Can I get an autograph!"

She politely passed the onlookers, relaying in small conversation with names that would help out their businesses and social reputation greatly, never forgetting to flash her irresistible smile to every important face she ran into. Eventually she'd made her way to the table for a hot second, Yuqi beckoning her to come over.

"You blew everyone away Shu! You're a real star!"

"You're the catch, Wooks. Not me." Shuhua laughed. "Speaking of a catch, there's a girl down there that's cute, she's been staring at you all night, and look---she's coming over now!"

A girl in a dress similar to Soojin's with blonde hair was currently walking over to them---to Yuqi---right now. Shuhua looked over at her sister, laughing at the nervousness that seemed to overwhelm her.

"She's totally into you." Shuhua whispered into her ear, her sister completely ignoring her when the girl smiled at her. "My name is Jeon Soyeon, you must be Song Yuqi. It's quite a pleasure to meet you!" The girl smiled awkwardly, laughing a litte before Yuqi shook her hand, a similar smile on her face as well. 

"That's me. What a pretty name you have." Yuqi winked at the girl, Soyeon bashfully looking down towards the floor.

_Does my sister actually have game?_

"Uh--would you--uh?"

"I would love to dance with you, Soyeon." Yuqi took the nervous girl's hand, flashing Shuhua a thumbs up before joining the other residents of the party on the dance floor. 

Shuhua felt someone tap her on the shoulder, her heart jumping when she realized it was Soojin. The latter looked absolutely gleeful, and Shuhua wondered if that was Lucas' doing. "You looked so great up there Shu! I'm so proud of you!"

Shuhua felt the heat creep up on her cheeks, she was blushing again. "Thank you, Jin. You as well."

"Are you enjoying yourself so far? Minnie and Miyeon left me alone, and I can see that Yuqi's found a girl she likes." The two looked over to Shuhua's sister, who seemed to be having the time of her life, dancing the night away with Soyeon. 

"It's fun, although I haven't really done anything interesting---"

"Soojin!" Lucas came running over, Shuhua internally cursing him in her mind. How does he always pick the wrong time?

"Hello Lucas." Soojin laughed, Shuhua feeling a wave of sickness overwhelming her as she looked at her brother being all lovesick with Soojin. It was an awful sight. 

"I was wondering if you'd do me the honor of dancing with me. I know I'm not a great dancer like you, but I can try to keep up?" Soojin looked at Shuhua for a second, as if asking if it was alright, and Shuhua sighed, nodding, Soojin nodding back at her before she ran off to join Minnie, Miyeon, Yuqi, and Soyeon on the dance floor. 

Shuhua felt her mind spinning, sitting down on one of the steps of the ballroom. No one bothered to approach her; they were absorbed in their own endeavors, and Shuhua didn't blame them. She was always a second choice. 

She looked over at Soojin, watching her smile brightly, watching her laugh at one of her brother's jokes. It was all so painful, that Shuhua was denied everything she ever wanted; equal treatment, the permission to write for the paper, and now the sole love of her life. 

In her own corner she sat, a heavy feeling sitting in her veins as she loomed at the couple who danced together, enough smiles to last them a lifetime. She felt a tap on her shoulder, a goddess staring back at her. The girl--before Shuhua could interject-- sat down next to her, nodding over to the couple in question. 

"The course of true love never did run smooth." She looked at them with telling eyes, a hint of mischief and curiosity looming in dark pupils, and Shuhua was undeniably drawn into such a presence.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream. How peculiar of you, I must say." The woman's eyes lifted up slightly, a smirk ridden on her perfect features. "Not many people push past their capabilities. I like to think of myself of someone different."

"You sure are. What brings you to this lovely step with me, Miss..."

"Chou Tzuyu. My name is Chou Tzuyu." The woman introduced, Shuhua shaking her hand with a smile. "Yeh Shuhua, although I believe you might know that."

"You're a celebrity, Miss Yeh. I dawn at the honor of being within such a presence." Shuhua laughed lightly, the woman making her heartache just a little bit more bearable.

"Okay, Miss Chou. What brings you to this lovely step with me?" Shuhua asked, taking in the features of this very pretty woman. Tzuyu had warm brown eyes, wavy brown hair, and a perfectly proportioned nose, chin, and lips. Next to Soojin, she was the prettiest woman Shuhua had ever seen. 

"The very minds of most people in this room aren't observant to say the least. If I try to not fall into the pool of normalcy, I must be different, right? I could see you staring at the couple on the dance floor; your brother is dancing with a girl, and there is no way you would look at them so longingly if you weren't jealous of your brother, if you didn't want to be with the girl instead of him. You love her."

Shuhua eyes widened, her mouth opened slightly, as Tzuyu laughed softly. How had a stranger managed to figure her entire life's story out in just 3 seconds?

"I've been in the same situation--I _am_ in the same situation as you. Nothing hurts more than knowing that someone else is better for them than yourself, especially when you'd do anything for them."

"It's a hard truth to swallow." Shuhua responded back, sighing lightly. 

"Tell you what, I'll share all my secrets with you if you'll share yours. We're absolute strangers; I don't know you, you don't know me. Maybe we don't have to be?" Tzuyu offered her a hand, as Shuhua pondered for a moment. Eventually, she took her hand, the warmth of someone else providing a sense of comfort in her. 

"Where will you take me, Miss Chou?"

"Somewhere that can be our new place. Only if you'll let me." Tzuyu held onto Shuhua's hand firmly, the latter holding on tightly back. Shuhua spared one last look at the couple, this time Soojin's eyes locked with hers, a look of confusion and something else unreadable on her face. Shuhua smiled, and for a second, Soojin hesitated, before smiling back at her, this one not meeting her eyes like the one earlier.

"Whenever you're ready, Shuhua." Shuhua nodded, keeping her hold on Tzuyu's hand, as the latter dragged her out of the ballroom, and into the darkness.

* * *

Lucas was an awful dancer. 

Soojin prided herself on her dancing abilities, always performing with grace, control, and confidence, and dancing with Lucas was starting to become a chore. He was an awful dancer, smug man with a slightly annoying smile, a player who only cared about physical features rather than personality, shallow, irritating, and nothing compared to his _sister----_

Perhaps this wasn't just about the dancing anymore. 

Soojin feet stopped turning suddenly, her head feeling heavy at what she was doing, or rather who she was with and who she _should_ be with but wasn't. "Soojin, are you alright?"

Lucas looked at her with a sense of concern, although given his playboy personality and desire to mess with every girl he sees, she wasn't sure whether his concern was at heart or not. She couldn't be sure of anything with Lucas; it was all falsified. Soojin knew she didn't love him, she _knew_ that she'd rather be with his sister right now, reading books, making cookies, snuggling under the sheets together with no care in the world. She wished it was just the two of them, and she wouldn't ask for anything else. Shuhua was her sun, something reliable, something bright, something that made the days just a little less bitter. She was gleaming, a light that you could always find even in the darkest of days, and Soojin was a ray of darkness that casted onto her bright parade. 

Shuhua was too good for her, that she knew. And yet, Shuhua always treated her with such kindness, with a look in her eyes that Soojin found so endearing and very attractive. The younger was so selfless, always putting others first before herself, and that was something she admired about Shuhua, and hated about herself, that she _wasn't_ selfless. She was so selfish, sapping the brightness out of the girl who was always kind enough to lend her a hand, and she enjoyed it, enjoyed taking and taking and taking and----

At what point would she end this? When would she kill the switch, unplug the brooding feelings she had, when the latter deserved someone brighter than her, someone who gave, who didn't take, who lived freely and didn't care about the opinions of others. Soojin knew that she was wrong for feeling this, for caring, for being selfish, but she couldn't change it. Was it that she couldn't, or was it that she just didn't want to? 

How bright is a life without the sun? Just looming in eternal darkness? She knows what she deserves, and she knows she's selfish. She's selfish for holding onto this feelings for Shuhua, for dragging her down with her. Maybe just this once, she could be selfish. Maybe she could finally put her fears aside. 

"I'm alright, Lucas. Just tired." She answered shortly, Lucas raising an eyebrow as he offered her a hand. "Come on, I'll take you somewhere else. It'll be nice to get out of here for a while."

She waited for a moment, for something she didn't know. Subconsciously, she looked to the right, to Shuhua, and the small brunette wasn't there. She'd left, and Soojin didn't even notice. She definitely didn't deserve her. Why deny herself silver if she didn't value the gold? "Sure. Surprise me."

* * *

"I like your dress. The blue makes your eyes pop." Tzuyu complimented, Shuhua blushing slightly before muttering a quite thank you. They were back on the road of this morning, and yet they were going in the opposite direction, away from town. Away from prying eyes, and Shuhua couldn't be more grateful. 

"What made you notice me?" She asked abruptly, unable to stop herself, and Tzuyu raised an eyebrow, clearly amused at the slight desperation laced in her voice. "Well, you're quite obviously pretty, but there was something else about you."

"I am perfect, so..."

"Don't get too cocky, now." Both girls laughed, the cold air following them as a brisk breeze made their skin shiver a little. "Something that seemed familiar, something I could relate too. We live in a world where everyone is expected to act a certain way, to play a certain part, and for some reason, I could see that you didn't do that. You're different, a good kind of different. 'To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.'"

"Ralph Waldo Emerson. Nice one. Although I've been doubting the prowess of something such as that. At what point does that become a bad thing?" Shuhua asked back, not sure why she wanted Tzuyu's opinion. She assumed that it was nice to talk to someone who seemed to understand her, who seemed to feel the same about most issues that constantly ran through her mind.

"It shouldn't. It's only a bad thing if you make it one. Living freely should be a virtue, not something that's frowned upon. But we have to be realistic; the world we live in is tight in it's views, and if we don't comply, there will be backlash. It solely depends on whether you're willing to deal with the judgmental eyes of others or not. The only person who can tell you how to live is yourself."

Shuhua decided to let Tzuyu's words sink in a little bit, walking in a comfortable silence as she let the older girl take the lead. Was it worth it? To live freely? Would she give everything else up to live how she wanted?

She supposed she'd get that answer someday. 

"And what if someone else is something you live freely for?"

"It'll depend on how much you're willing to sacrifice for them, for their happiness. Are you willing to step down, to walk away for _them?_ " 

_To what extent would she go?_

_Shuhua would do anything for Soojin. Anything._

"I'd do whatever it takes." She answered softly, Tzuyu looking into her eyes with understanding, as if she'd been _there_ before. As if she knew exactly what Shuhua was feeling. Oh, the power of pain and how far it takes us. 

"We're here, Shuhua. It's it pretty?" Her feet stopped short, her neck craning upwards to look at the architectural creation that blew her thoughts away. It was a watchtower with a clock in the center of the hood, a platform over watching the rest of the town sticking out of the apex of the building. Shuhua was in awe. 

"This is great. I've never seen anything like it. It's so simple, and yet---"

"So intriguing. You feel like you could spend all your days up there. That's what I do, at least." Tzuyu led Shuhua up the stairs in the back of the tower, Shuhua's admiration growing with every step, as the brick and ivory seemed to just get prettier and more ethereal every time she looked at it. 

The two girls walked onto the platform, a blanket and a bottle of beer already sitting up at the edge. Shuhua followed Tzuyu, sitting next to the latter and letting her legs hang over the edge, looking out into the horizon. 

"I come here every single night, to just think. It's nice, to just feel the breeze, to not have any eyes on you. You can be yourself here; that's something I enjoy about this place. It's a place to start over, for new beginnings. I bring a blanket and a bottle sometimes, I was planning on coming back tonight but when I saw you sitting there, I figured I'd bring you. You seemed like you could use it too."

"Thanks for bringing me here. I needed to get away for a while."

"We can get away together, then. Maybe we don't have to be strangers."

"Friends?"

"Friends then." Tzuyu responded, smiling softly and humming a piano tune. She felt Shuhua lean her head on her shoulders, pulling the other girl closer to her. It was peculiar, that she was so close to someone that she didn't know, someone who was a lot richer and better off than her, and yet she felt so familiar. Like she'd known her for years, like they were family. 

Tzuyu didn't mind it one bit. 

"So what's on your mind? Perhaps you'd want to talk about it?" Shuhua stilled for a second, weighing her options. She wasn't one to talk to anyone about her issues, about what kept her up at night, but there was something inviting about the girl next to her, and she decided to just take the plunge. What would she lose?

"I like someone---scratch that---I love someone, but I'm afraid that they only see me as something differently. They like someone else, someone that would be better for them than me."

"The girl you were looking at... and your brother? She likes him and only views you as a friend?"

"Exactly. I've just been trying to shove my feelings downwards, because it would be so much to ask of her, to be with me in this type of society that would view us as 'sick'. I don't even know if she even feels that way about me for starters."

"Sucks, doesn't it? We can't even live as we please. It's rather sad that this is it, that we have to accept living like this, living a life in which we're only lying to ourselves. Even if I love her, I cannot love her freely."

"You're...?"

"Yup. Her name is Sana; heart of gold, cheerful smile, and yet all I can do is watch as she falls for someone else. I'm at the epitome of the friend zone!"

"Yikes. Maybe we both need that beer, huh?" Shuhua laughed, reaching onto her other side to grab the bottle, wincing as she twisted the cap open, guzzling down some of it in a flash as Tzuyu looked at her with wide eyes, a smile on her face as she began to laugh. "Slow down there, tiger. Wouldn't want you to be drunk out of your mind, would we?"

"Sorry. Got ahead of myself there." Shuhua blushed in embarrassment, Tzuyu giving her a tap on the back. "You can be yourself here, remember? I won't judge. Drink your heart away if you need to, I get it."

"You're too nice..." Shuhua mumbled, downing even more of the bottle, to thr halfway point, and now she was starting to feel slightly peppier and dizzier. 

"I'm not nice enough for her." Tzuyu sighed, grabbing the bottle out of Shuhua's hands, sparking a protest from the younger. "You said I could drink my heart away!"

"And you said we both needed the bottle!" Tzuyu responded, both girls laughing as they shared the bottle, their bodies side by side as they shared their hearts out, leaning on each other when no one else was there. 

To friends, then. 

* * *

"Lucas, this is just your room." Soojin frowned, in disappointment. The other day, the man had taken her horseback riding, which proved to actually be a fun time, and now she was slightly mad that she expected something from him.

"It's quite a destination, though. I have a nice bed." He wiggled his eyebrows, Soojin rolling her eyes before a small smile appeared on her face. He was insufferable. 

"You're an idiot." She sighed, sitting down on the bed as far away from him as possible. "And you tolerate it. That's got to count for something, huh?"

"I guess so. You Yeh siblings are strong-willed, I must say. I've grown to appreciate that." She admitted, turning her body to it's side so that she could see Lucas better. "I know our father might not be the best man, but he really has instilled hard work and determination into us. He's shown me that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to to get to the end you desire. That even if it's hard, you must power through, and that's what I'm trying to do with the company." Lucas ranted, Soojin's eyebrow raised as she never knew Lucas was actually capable of feelings. It was a new side to him that she never thought she'd see. 

"Do you want to take over?" 

"I'm not sure, honestly. I think I really want to do something with mathematics, but my father is insistent that I take over the company. I would defy him, but---"

"It's not so easy to defy other's expectations for you, even if you would rather do something else, be somewhere else. The eyes of the public are too persuasive to ignore." Soojin finished, Lucas looking at her with a sense of admiration. 

"You're quite smart, Soojin. Just makes me like you more." Soojin stilled, a feeling of shock overwhelming her. Sure, she knew that Lucas fancied her, but this seemed so real, so final. It felt too real, too final. She thought she could buy herself more time before she'd have to make the hardest decision of her life. 

Your happiness or someone else's?

"You..." She trailed off. 

"Yes, I really like you, Soojin. You're brilliant, you're already on great terms with my family, and we could be the best couple out there! We're both good looking, we're both successful and rich, and we get along! It's perfect!"

"Lucas, I don't know..." The public or myself?

"Come on, Soojin... We'd be perfect together."

Is this worth it? Worth letting myself down for? Worth letting _her_ down? 

Lucas was leaning in closer, his body moving increments towards hers. "We'd please everyone. Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes, but---" _Not at her expense._

"Come on, just give in. It'll be great, I can make you feel good too. We can dance around in the satisfaction of others together. Just please, kiss me back." Lucas whispered, and Soojin shuddered. 

_Shuhua's laugh._

_Shuhua's smile._

_The way she was confident, her humor, her weirdness, her craziness. Soojin loved it all, she loved her._

_But she didn't deserve her. Not one bit._

_She shouldn't do this..._

_She really shouldn't do this. _

Soojin sighed, before leaning in, locking their lips together. Lucas kissed her with fervor, pushing her body onto the back of the bed as he climbed on top of her. 

_And yet, she did it._

* * *

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Tzuyu muttered, carrying a drunken Shuhua on her back as she walked along the cold temperatures and long winding road. Shuhua was falling in and out of sleep, waking up for only a few seconds, muttering something stupid and then proceeding to laugh it it for a whole 5 minutes, before falling back asleep. 

"What did the top-hat say to the cap?"

"Enlighten me, Shuhua."

"Thank god I'm not a bottom hat! Haha!" Shuhua began to laugh again, uncontrollably, and Tzuyu had to smack her shoulder in order to not wake the neighbors up. "Are you normally this difficult?"

"Yup. LOL!" Shuhua was smiling, her eyes faded as her head pushed itself into Tzuyu's upper back, letting the older carry her home. "Thank you... for... taking care... of me... Tzuyu..." She mumbled, before falling asleep again. 

Tzuyu laughed softly, nodding. "I see myself in you, Shuhua. I can be for you what I needed for me." Tzuyu said this to no one in particular, only to herself, the sense of pride that she could be something for someone made her feel better about herself, about the life that she'd been denied, and that she wanted to escape. 

She neared the Yeh mansion, her feet tiptoeing on the porch as she tried to maneuver her hand to knock on the door, before it jerked open, a girl with dark brown hair and a worried scowl opening it.

"I'm sorry it's so late. I've had to carry her on my back the entire way home." Tzuyu laughed sheepishly, the latter only smiling grimly as she nodded, Tzuyu slowly putting Shuhua on the ground as the girl helped steady her. 

"Who are you?" She asked.

"Chou Tzuyu. And you?"

"Seo Soojin."

"Alright, nice to meet you. I must be going now, it's pretty late. Tell Shuhua that she owes me one in the morning." Tzuyu turned around, before Soojin grabbed her arm, looking at her with desparate dark eyes. 

"Thank you, for taking care of her. Even when I couldn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, hope you enjoyed the chapter.
> 
> twt is @singularityjams, you know the deal lol. i would love to to talk to you guys, to learn new things and maybe meet some new and interesting people, so please don't be shy! my dms are always open, only if you want to talk lol everyone is entitled to their own stance of comfort and i respect that


	3. one sister have I in our house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Humans are just monsters in their greatest normality. By that I meant your father." Shuhua stifled a laugh as she quickly hid the note in the fluff of her dress. Tzuyu would get her kicked out of the house this time, she presumed. 
> 
> The taller girl nudged the shorter one, Shuhua looking at her with confusion while twirling the pasta on her utensil. "Am I wrong?"
> 
> "Certainly not. Just don't let the 'Big Brother' know that. He'll have you beheaded." She whispered back graciously, the two girls cackling while drowning out the sounds of the others at the table. Shuhua felt a pair of eyes on her; dark, ferocious, and emotional eyes, those were undoubtedly Soojin's, the latter gripping the arm of the chair with her teeth sunk into her lip. 
> 
> Uh oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, i hope you're all well!
> 
> first off, there has been great news that has been bestowed upon us lately! the girls have been confirmed to have a new comeback next month, as well as a new season of dickinson next month as well! i almost passed out from my excitement :))
> 
> so for this chapter, i mainly wanted to set up the points for where the dynamics of the story would go. i apologize if it may be boring or slow; the content of this chapter will be the bridge for the more interesting dynamics that are bound to come soon. 
> 
> also, i'm sorry about any errors. it's currently 3 am when i'm writing this, and i have class at 7 am tomorrow. i'm half out of it but i couldn't really sleep lol. as always, please enjoy the chapter!

The hues of orange and yellow sunlight and chirping birds were quite a sight for Song Yuqi, who had gracefully and expertly fallen flat onto her face from the height at which her bed stood. She groaned deeply, her morning voice husky and raspy, as she propelled onto her feet, her bones cracking from their mummification in the cocoon of her blanket from the previous night. 

Her endeavors of the last day came flooding into her mind, a bright blush making it's way to her face at the sole mention of a Jeon Soyeon, the dashing stranger who had managed to steal her heart and wrap her around her red string immediately upon basking in her presence. She was very bright, intuitive, patient, and an anomaly, something Yuqi found so fascinating about her. Soyeon owned her talent, never shying away from her attributes while also fully admitting her faults, and manifesting ideas in order to make the best version of herself a reality. She was so open, transparent, and could read Yuqi like no one else ever has. 

Yuqi was falling; rather quickly as well. 

_Knowing her luck, this wouldn't end well._

The young girl trudged around the room, the wooden floorboards cold and squeaky beneath her feet, making her exert more effort into trying to remain as quiet as possible. After al, it was still very early in the morning, and she needed to get to town before 6:30 am. Yuqi settled with a light dress and light make up; she had a purpose to fulfill here, and it would start with something as simple as a grocery run. 

"You're up so early, miss Yeh?" Byul, her maid, greeted her kindly, her busy hands stitching one of her father's garments as Yuqi nodded, bowing slightly in respect as she made her way over to Byul for a quick moment. "Unfortunately so. My mother had asked me yesterday to fetch groceries, but it had slipped my mind, and I am not one to fall out on favors."

"Very well. Enjoy your time out, miss." Yuqi laughed huskily, nodding as she bid farewell to Byul, silently closing the door and starting on the path ahead. She would be making a little detour first. 

+++

"Who the hell is---Yuqi?" A tired voice answered the door, a smaller girl rubbing her eyes as she quickly realized who it was, getting somewhat embarrassed for her reaction towards the other girl as she quickly beckoned for her to come inside, shielding her from the slightly chilling temperatures.

"I'm sorry if I had woken you. I'm afraid I cannot contain my excitement when people intrigue me." Yuqi apologized softly, Soyeon pulling a seat out for her as she graciously thanked her, taking the wooden chair next to Soyeon at the small dining table. 

"Don't apologize at all, I had been meaning to see you today anyways. I'm glad you came, I really am." Soyeon smiled warmly, moving her hand on top of Yuqi's as the younger blushed a beet red, avoiding all possible eye contact. The scratch mark on the table seemed _super_ interesting right now. "But if I may ask, is there a certain reason you came?"

Yuqi shook her head, the morning fatigue catching up to her, as she tiredly nodded, Soyeon looking at her with soulful and patient eyes. "I wanted to ask you if you would want to accompany me to the grocery store. It's only 10 minutes from here, and I may or may not have wanted to spend a little more time getting to know you." Yuqi looked down at at the floor, her face burning up, as Soyeon's eyes crinkled into crescent moons, nodding her head. 

"I would love to go with you. Let me get dressed quickly." Yuqi nodded at that, gulping slightly when the older girl practically hopped up the stairs while also laughing at Soyeon's excitement. She felt her nerves rising, the anxious feeling spreading throughout her ribcage, as if it cradled her fragile heart in it's despotism-ridden hands. 

Soon enough, Soyeon filed her way down the stairs, sporting a fitted sundress, her hands holding two Victorian styled jackets. "I hope you weren't waiting too long..."

"Not at all!" Yuqi said quickly, clearing her throat awkwardly. "Um--I mean--not at all."

"Cute." Soyeon muttered to herself, holding up a jacket at the latter who looked at her with widened eyes, not really sure where this was going. "I brought a jacket down for you, you know, since it's quite cold outside. I wouldn't want you to freeze." Soyeon said quietly, a smile appearing on Yuqi's face as she accepted the fabric as she immediately slipped it over her frame, the thought of wearing Soyeon's clothes making her feel a certain type of way.

"Shall we head out, then?" Yuqi asked, Soyeon nodding as they set off onto the dirt path ahead of them, Yuqi locking her arm with the latter as they started off into their ten minute journey. 

The air was rather crisp this morning, the chill air of summer striking their bones as they walked diligently in a comfortable silence. Soyeon's smile had remained the entire way; just being in Yuqi's presence was enough for her. 

"I had a great time last night." She admitted quietly, Yuqi turning her head to hear her better. "I'm glad that I mustered up the courage to approach you."

"Me as well, Soyeonie. You gave me a great experience, although your dancing might not have been the best..."

"It was great, and you know it! You're just jealous because I can bust a move and you can't." Soyeon attacked, both girls laughing from the silliness of their baseless 'argument'. "Fine, you win. It's only because you're an ace of spades."

"There we go. You're getting used to me, Yuqi. Soon enough you'll be bored of it." Soyeon joked, Yuqi looking over towards her with a bright smile. "I could never get bored of you."

_"You're a horrible dancer!" Soyeon shouted over the orchestra blasting from the front of the ballroom, Yuqi laughing as her hands gripped Soyeon's neck, the older girl's hands gripping her own waist tightly._

_"Like you're any better!" She shouted back, her eyes jetting around the room for her sister, to check on her. She knew that Soojin had gone with Lucas; Shuhua must be crushed. Her mind started to panic when there was no sight of her sister._

_"Hey, it's okay. I saw Shuhua leave with someone, she's fine." Soyeon tried to tell her, ultimately failing as Yuqi continued to panic, forcing the girl to do something bold. She grabbed Yuqi's face lightly, making the younger girl look at her with worried eyes, and she felt as if she could fall forever. "She's okay, don't worry. Just have fun tonight, alright? I've got you; I won't let you go unless you ask."_

_"Be careful what you wish for." Yuqi visibly relaxed, leaning into Soyeon's touch as the older smiled. "I may ask you to hold on forever, if you keep charming me at this rate."_

The view of the town in the distance made the girls sigh in relief, an extra pep in their step added now that they were finally here. Yuqi skipped along the path, Soyeon giggling as she tried to copy the other, almost falling down onto the ground as Yuqi caught her, helping steady her. "Watch what you're doing here, miss 'I'm so agile'."

"It was an accident. Professionals _do_ fail sometimes, you know?"

"Oh trust me, I do."

They passed by the family run shops, waving to the elderly in the town square, and to the bystanders that gawked at Yuqi, a Yeh. She kept her head up, easily ignoring the small whispers as they neared the actual general store, Yuqi offering to go in and look while Soyeon relaxed outside. She found a spot in a rocking chair on the porch outside of the store itself, almost jumping out of her seat when someone else decided to sit directly next to her. 

"I knew you looked familiar! Yuqi, huh? She's pretty and so is Shu, but the Yeh sisters aren't really my style." A girl with dark black hair in a white handmaiden-esque looking dress sat to her right, Soyeon recognizing the face quite quickly.

"You as well. I'm assuming you're a friend of Yuqi's?"

"Yup, and Shuhua as well. My name is Minnie, it's nice to meet you."

"Soyeon. Likewise." They shook on it, a small laugh emitting itself from Minnie's mouth as she drew back her left hand, the right seemingly holding something behind her back. "What brings you into town?" Soyeon asked.

"I needed to pick something up last minute. You?"

"Yuqi asked me to escort her to the store; what a fool I would be to have said no." Minnie smiled at this, at the sheer admiration Soyeon seemed to have possessed for Yuqi, and now she was extremely glad Yuqi had met someone like this. 

"I think you may just have to start attending our hangouts as a group. I think you'd fit right in." Minnie offered as Soyeon's face lit up, nodding. She hadn't ever had so many friends due to her 'weird' and quiet nature; not many wanted to be friends with 'loser Jeon'. 

"That would be great!" A small silence emitted between them for a few seconds, and Soyeon couldn't lose this chance to make a new friend by letting her awkwardness get in the way of it. "What is that in your hand?"

Minnie's face darkened slightly, Soyeon waiting cluelessly for an answer, as the older sighed. She supposed that Soyeon could know, it was only a matter of time before the others found out as well.

"It's for me, I need them for---"

"I'm back!" Yuqi shouted, her hands carrying some bags as Soyeon shot up, quickly grabbing one to take the weight off. Minnie cut her sentence short; there was another time and place for everything, and this wasn't it. 

"I--uh--should probably head back now. It was very nice to meet you, Soyeon." Minnie greeted the latter goodbye before turning to Yuqi. "She's a nice one; don't let her go."

Yuqi blushed before nodding, Soyeon looking at her with curiosity as Minnie walked in the opposite direction, her figure getting farther and farther away as they settled back onto the familiar path. "What was that about?"

"Minnie just showed me the key to my universe."

"And?"

"I'm looking at her right now." Yuqi wiggled her eyebrows, and Soyeon scoffed. "Cheesy."

"Only for you. Soyeon?"

"Mhm...?"

"Would you maybe... want to come over for dinner tonight? You don't have to if you don't want to--"

"I would be honored, Yuqi." They walked together, eventually reaching Soyeon's front door as the latter smiled at Yuqi. "Thanks for asking me, I enjoyed spending the morning with you. I am excited to see you later; don't miss me too much." Soyeon whispered, kissing Yuqi's cheek lightly before she ducked inside, closing the door softly as Yuqi stood in the same spot, her hand up to her cheek.

Oh boy, she was in deep. 

* * *

_You hold the universe---_

_Saturated doors in which you bare your very soul---_

_And until the moon dies---_

_I will find home in those eyes._

_The loop of my red string tightens like the pull of my heart---_

_Red splashes of the hurt we call love---_

_I sink further into the surface---_

~~_But have you noticed?_ ~~

~~_To what do we owe ourselves?_ ~~

~~_To what do I owe you?_ ~~

Perched in her spot at the chair, Shuhua sighs, her eyes floating between the loops of mess written onto the paper. She had crossed out the last linex, something not sitting right with her. Was it the severity of such an accusation? Or was it the eternal truth, the spear piercing her heart as that very thought crossed her mind yet again. Has she even noticed?

Has she noticed Shuhua's suffering; her very ego falling to her feet as she struggled to grab ahold of what she stands for, confined only to the prospect of nothingness? _Of being nothing._

For what was she worth? Was she worth a sole inkling of the person Soojin was, of the so emotional and caring tread of the older woman; Shuhua felt herself almost being brought to tears at the stinging of reality, of _their_ reality. A heart that loves as much as she can also be as damaged as she. The rawness of this hurt stripped away at her, her pen flying out of her hand and onto the wooden desk with a tap. She ran her head through her hair, blinking away the jailed tears of agony as her lip quivered, her body shuddering once again in thought of this temperament. 

That even the most disappointing and heart wrenching of days could not dispel her from leaving the doors unlocked to her heart, her disposition was open and honest, like her love for Soojin that would ricochet any bullet in the way of the other's fulfillment. She was crying on her knees, bleeding and pouring her soul out onto the paper, the estrangement of those emotions so powerful in which she could only be compelled to grab a pen and write. She was _suffering_ , and yet, she would do _anything_ for Soojin. 

_She would die for her._

"Shu? You okay in there?" She blinked rapidly, scurrying away the keeper of her darkest secrets as she cleared her throat, quickly getting up to answer the door. "You couldn't have waited until I'd gone downstairs? You came all the way up here just to walk back down?"

"You'd been in here for hours if I hadn't checked on you. You think I don't know you?"

"Eh. Guess you have a point there." Shuhua rolled her eyes, Yuqi smiling in victory as Shuhua sighed, closing her bedroom door softly after making sure her journal was tucked away, hidden from the evil of the world. 

"Don't be so cross with me! Breakfast is in the kitchen, and I figured you could use a nice plate of pancakes or something. Maybe even some huevos rancheros if you're feeling fancy."

"What does 'huevos' mean?"

"It's the Spanish word for eggs."

"Why do you know everything?"

"Yo no se. Miré una película sobre hablando en Español." Shuhua rolled her eyes for the second time in minutes, Yuqi laughing her way through the bustling house, passing the maids and the workers who darn their socks into the night with a polite bow. Shuhua followed suit, grabbing her so called precious pancakes and taking a seat next to her sister. This predicament looked familiar, as Soojin was seated right across from her, Lucas next to her and Yuqi beside her. It was similar to that of a never-ending paradox of time; apparently it became evident that she'd always be across from Soojin and never beside her. 

"So where were you two this morning?" Lucas asked, chomping on his food as Soojin ate quietly next to him, Shuhua's mind drifting back to earlier, to her feelings that seemed to still be frozen in time. 

"I went to the store and bought some things. You'll thank me later when Mom isn't scrambling in a fit about there being 'nothing in the house'."

"What about you, Shuhua?" Lucas questioned, and this time, Soojin looked up from her plate with a hint of interest. Shuhua wasn't quite sure what to think of that. 

"I was working on something. Before you even ask, that's all I'm giving you." Lucas looked defeated, rolling his eyes before biting into another roll of bread. Yuqi snickered at Shuhua's bluntness and even Soojin couldn't surpress her smile. 

"Oh, by the way, I invited someone to dinner tonight." Yuqi said randomly, the three other occupants at this end of the table perking their heads up in curiosity. "Who is it?" Shuhua asked eagerly. 

"Soyeon." Shuhua busted into a song, shimmying across the floor of the dining room as Yuqi scoffed. "Finally! You won't be up my ass anymore!"

"It's not like you hate it!" Yuqi retorted, half annoyed and half hysterical. "I'm very fun to hang with, for your information!"

"Who's gonna tell her?" Shuhua mumbled, and Soojin started snickering quietly too now. They all laughed for a moment, and just for a second, things seemed normal. Just for a second.

"Shuhua! You have mail!" Her father shouted, Shuhua rolling her eyes and biting back a rebuttal as she took the paper from him. It was labeled with her name on it, and she hardly got mail; she was excited. She ripped the ribbon open, a smile appearing on her face as she read the content of the letter. 

_Dear Shuhua,_

_I find myself in a sense of gratitude for you, and therefore I knew the writer in you would appreciate my chosen choice of communication._

_I am not one who is great with words, but I felt as if I should thank you for the other night._

_I felt your exquisite rawness, when you opened up to me; you are so unapologetically you and I have quite an appreciation for that._

_You let me pour my heart out and never once judged me for it; same as I did for you._

_I hope to many more nights, to many more bottles. I will swing by today to check up on you._

_We are no longer strangers it seems._

**_Sincerely_ ** _**, Chou Tzuyu.** _

Shuhua read the letter to herself and then outloud, her heart swelling from the kindness of Tzuyu's actions, of the notion that they were no longer strangers. 

They were now friends. 

Soojin felt a similar sour taste in her mouth at the sound of the name. She had remembered a night of regret, that Tzuyu was the one to spend time with Shuhua into the depths of night, not her. 

"She seems really great, Shu." Yuqi smiled, her eyes empathetic and genuinely happy that someone seems to share the same appreciation for her sister as she does. Shuhua nodded, a bright smile of her own stuck on her face, never wavering. "She really is."

Soojin breathed slowly, trying to ignore the twisting in her gut as she envisioned Shuhua with Tzuyu: Shuhua laughing with Tzuyu, Shuhua dancing with Tzuyu, Shuhua reading books with Tzuyu and snuggling like they do, Shuhua kissing Tzuyu, Shuhua _withering_ underneath Tzuyu's touch, Shuhua---

She closed her eyes, taking a long, deep breath. The bitterness of her now cold food settling in at the back of her tongue, ridding her body of all flavor. She hated this feeling, this feeling of wanting what's best for someone, even if you have to hold you breath to allow it to happen. She hated how she felt as if she wasn't enough for Shuhua, someone so kind and pure; Shuhua distinguished herself from the primal evil in which all humans naturally possessed. There was not one bad bone in her body, and Soojin knew that she would do whatever she could to protect her from the cruelness of the world.

From herself.

  
"Hey, Jin, are you alright?" Lucas asked quietly, the sisters looking at her with concern. She locked eyes with Shuhua, witnessing the very pureness she wanted to savior. Could she possibly drag the other girl down with her in a world that would torment them? Was it worth the sacrifice for someone so selfish?

She knew the answer to that.

They both knew.

* * *

~~_ To what do I owe you? _ ~~

Shuhua groaned, letting her head hit the back of the tree as she sighed, getting frustrated yet again that she couldn't finish the last line of this poem. It felt as if she was missing something, something important, and that she was walking blindly through a forest full of terror and chainsaws; she would now be the basic girl that 'goes in there' when she's definitely not supposed to. 

"What the fuck am I missing?!" She muttered to herself, her head swimming in diction as she racked her brain for an answer, for a solution to her momentary word block. She felt someone take a seat next to her, her hands instinctively shutting the book partially as she turned to look at the presence beside her, the person undoubtedly surprising her greatly.

"Soyeon?" What was she doing here?

"That's my name. Shuhua, right? Yuqi told me about you last night." Soyeon responded, her voice airy and light when Yuqi was mentioned. Shuhua smiled a little, happy about someone being so whipped for her dear sister in such a short amount of time. That love would just grow. 

"That would be me." Shuhua smirked suspiciously. "What did she say about me?"

"That you're peculiar and yet so wise. That you somehow know the balance between what's right and what should be fixed. You're smart, but you're also very worldly, and that you're great with words. I take it that the last part runs true?" Soyeon pointed to the journal as Shuhua nodded, blushing. Yuqi and her compliments. 

"It's my best form of somehow turning the mess in my head to something transmittable. I find great pleasure in marking this paper with my footnotes, the drafts of my life. You seem to feel my vibe, huh?"

"I've always loved writing but I am hardly any good at it. I've written songs for my family members to sing, but that's about it. What are you writing about?" Shuhua felt her body run slightly cold as Soyeon looked at her expectantly. She was afraid for some reason, perhaps of baring herself to someone that could judge her. Or was it because those words on the page haunted her, made her fall back into her pit of despair for centuries to come?

"Love." She answered simply, and Soyeon nodded. "Can I hear it?"

Shuhua looked at her with widened eyes. No one outside of her sister and Soojin has ever really been interested in hearing what she has to say. This was quite new to her. 

"I--of course." She whispered softly, Soyeon giggling lightly at her apparent shock. She read through the poem, stopping abruptly at the last part. The line was still crossed out, banished to the depths of the universe as she struggled to figure something else out to make it sound more like _her._

"Are you sure you owe her anything?" Soyeon asked out of the blue, Shuhua raising an eyebrow to the sudden accusation. "What do you mean?"

"Who owes who? Do you owe her something, for dragging her into your maze of overloading feelings? Or does she owe you? For not knowing these things? For not seeing the pain behind the walls you so carefully lowered down just for her?"

"I don't know---"

"Love is so complex, Shuhua. It can be difficult to sort out the intensity you're feeling, and it can be easier just to blame yourself, instead of looking at the bigger picture. Love can be found in a smile, encouragement, honesty, loyalty, and despite this, love is never flawless. It's complicated, and messy, and it can eat away at you until you're left with blue skin and an empty heart. It can be hurtful, painful, piercing, and scary. All of these things are the experiences people don't talk about, the heart of true love. There will always be evil to good, and purity to wickedness. In a way, I believe that you owe each other everything, and yet nothing at all."

Shuhua sat there for a second, letting Soyeon's advice seep into her skin. They both owe each other, everything and nothing at all.

They were wrapped around the same string, albeit for different reasons. The same love for each other that could be handled in different ways, one with invigoration, and the other with withdrawal. Shuhua owed it to Soojin to let go, for her sake. Soojin owed it to Shuhua to fight for them, for their love. Yet, Shuhua couldn't let go, and Soojin couldn't fight. 

_You hold the universe---_

_Saturated doors in which you bare your very soul---_

_And until the moon dies---_

_I will find home in those eyes._

_The loop of my red string tightens like the pull of my heart---_

_Red splashes of the hurt we call love---_

_I sink further into the surface---_

_But have you noticed?_

_To what do we owe ourselves?_

_To what do I owe you? And to what extent do you owe me?_

_We owe each other everything---_

_And nothing at all._

Shuhua smiled in satisfaction at the last line; this time it was clear, the line wasn't hazy. The missing piece had been filled, and for a moment she felt as if there was something more to this, something worth fighting for. 

"That sounds great, Shuhua." Soyeon complimented, Shuhua nodding. "You helped me finish it, thank you. I can see now why Yuqi likes you so much."

"She does?!" Soyeon blushed a bright pink. "Yes. You're quite brilliant, just like her. You two are even more brilliant together." Shuhua smiled softly, Soyeon mirroring her expression. 

"You don't get enough credit for your brilliance, either. I know academic brilliance is quite a feat, but this takes another kind of brilliance. You're talented, Shuhua, and people should know that."

"I wish. My father won't let me publish anything, for what I do not know. He is just as much of a coward as he is a man." Soyeon laughed at that. 

"Have you ever tried asking your brother? Yuqi told me he's a prick, but I doubt that he'd be opposed to getting some of your work out in his name," Shuhua considered this for a moment. "There could be a possibility that he'd accept that."

"Harp on it for a moment. You're too talented for others not to notice, to let yourself fall victim to the currents of others." Soyeon ruffled her hair softly, Shuhua laughing as she looked at the latter, Soyeon stopping for a second. 

"Thank you Soyeon. I'll look forward to having you around here." Seconds passed of comfortable silence, the air permeating through Shuhua's lungs as she sighed, letting her head fall back as it hit the tree behind her softly. She turned for a second to look at Soyeon, the latter's blonde locks gleaming in the sunlight above, among the likes of a halo. She began to wonder what the origin of the latter was; why was she here when she could be with her family? Where was her family?

"Soyeon unnie, I have a question that I may be too afraid to ask." She admitted, Soyeon laughing softly at the bashful look on the younger's face. "Ask away, young one. I have no boundaries of discussion, I can promise you that."

Shuhua hesitated for a couple of seconds, nodding eventually. "Why... aren't you with your family?"

Soyeon visibly stilled, Shuhua immediately reaching her hands out as a form of an apology; Soyeon shrugged her off, reassuring her by patting her cheek with a small smile. "It's ok. Just wasn't expecting that one, that's all."

Shuhua respectfully waited, Soyeon trying to formulate the words to talk about something so personal in an open facet. The only person who knew was Yuqi. She guessed she had a thing for trusting Yeh women. "My---my family isn't exactly on good terms, I guess. My father, he--he made a bad decision, a wrong move."

She took another breath. "My parents work out in Boston, for a firm that they've helped bring to the top. Recently, my father made a decision to fire a man that had worked for them for years, and perhaps my mother isn't too happy about it." Soyeon sighed. "Apparently it's not just the fact that he fired the man itself, it's his irresponsibility that has sparked a revolt in their marriage. It's difficult for me, when I managed to escape it by getting a grant from a family friend of ours to come out here. My brother is still stuck with them."

Shuhua let the news sink in, a formulation of pity forming on her face as her eyebrows sagged, her mouth turning downwards into a placid frown. "I'm sorry about that, Soyeon unnie. I do understand what you mean about having parents that put themselves and their endeavors over you without even bothering about how you may feel."

"It's certainly not fun." Soyeon agreed, Shuhua nodding. "Life is brutal, it seems. It's just how you deal with it."

"Now, you could deal with it by getting the girl, by telling Soojin how you feel..."

"Soyeon unnie!" Shuhua shouted, Soyeon cackling as the other pouted, eventually falling into the pit of laughter as well. They slapped each other back and forth until they heard footsteps on the grass, a confused and smirking Yuqi looking at them from above. 

"Is there something I'm missing here?" Yuqi laughed, Soyeon's eyes lighting up at the sight of her. _Whipped._

"I'm gonna leave before I see something I don't want to." Shuhua muttered, standing up. "Thanks for the advice, Soyeon unnie. Dinner should be interesting, huh?"

* * *

Shuhua treaded behind the shy lovebirds as they re-entered the mansion, the smell of eucalyptus and dark, burgundy walls welcoming her into a suffocating embrace. The girls walked through the long winding hallways until they reached the main part of the house, which was the den. 

"I am convinced that Shuhua has some occult powers or something. She keeps disappearing on us!" Lucas sat on the couch, Shuhua's demeanor shrinking as she locked eyes with Soojin, who was snuggled into his embrace, Lucas' arm around her shoulders. 

"Oh come on, you could do better than that." A feminine voice prompted Shuhua to turn to her left, a brightly smiling Chou Tzuyu waiting in the opened doorframe with something in her hands. Shuhua's face lit up, her feet commanding itself as she walked closer and closer to the latter, enveloping her into a much needed hug. "You came!" She exclaimed, her voice muffled in the fabric of Tzuyu's petticoat. 

"Of course I came. I told you kept promises, didn't I?" Shuhua nodded, both girls giggling their hearts away. "I know, but I just thought that you were kidding. I haven't been surrounded by people who actually care for me, you know." 

Soojin's eyebrows furrowed at Shuhua's words; _she_ cared for the younger, so much. She wondered if Shuhua really knew that. "I care about you too!" Soojin blurted out before she could stop herself, Shuhua's eyebrows raising as she blushed from the caring nature of the older. Tzuyu's smirk grew even wider at the words; oh boy, would she tease poor Shu about this later!

"So this is the infamous Chou Tzuyu, huh?" Yuqi walked over with a bright smile, Tzuyu blushing from the formality before nodding. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Yeh."

"Oh please, call me Yuqi. I don't do formalities, it makes me feel uncomfortable; also makes me sound like my mother, and who wants that?" Tzuyu and Shuhua both laughed, Soojin growing more irritated with every passing second. People were _really_ pushing her buttons today, weren't they?

"Shuhua has told me about you, about how you've pretty much been her only support system in this whole household." Tzuyu whispered, as Yuqi grinned at her sister, Shuhua shrugging. "She's my partner in crime. There's no way in Hell that I would abandon her." Yuqi whispered back, Tzuyu nodding with a mirrored smile. 

"Chou Tzuyu! Long time no see!" Soyeon shouted, Tzuyu starting off an elaborate handshake as Shuhua, Yuqi, Soojin, and Lucas stared with their mouths wide open. "You two know each other?!" Shuhua squealed.

"Who do you think gave me the grant, Shu? Tzuyu over here fought for me. She singlehandedly convinced her parents to let me come out here and to let me make a living on my own. I owe her a lot."

"Nonsense!" Tzuyu waved her off, laughing. "Soyeon is a very motivated woman. I saw that she had potential, and I knew that my family had the resources to help her out. I'm glad we've been able to."

"So are we." Yuqi and Shuhua agreed. "You two might even parallel the ultimate sister duo!" Shuhua added, both girls jumping into a position with their back touching, and their hands up, muttering something about 'swag'. 

"What shall I do with you?" Soyeon muttered, Yuqi laughing in her ear as she pressed her body against Soyeon's, letting the latter wrap her in a back hug. Shuhua and Tzuyu laughed, giving each other a fist bump. "Friends with benefits?" Shuhua asked, Tzuyu cackling. 

"And that's enough for today! Shuhua, you're making dinner tonight! No protesting!" Her mother shouted down the hall, Shuhua groaning as she rolled her eyes, shouting back a confirmation back at her mother. 

"I can't even get any help around here, damn." Shuhua pouted; Yuqi and Soyeon were already gone. "I'll help you!" Two voices shouted at the same time, and if it was even possible, Soojin's pout deepened even further. The older girl suddenly stood up (to Lucas' dismay) and was now standing beside Shuhua. 

"I can help you Shu!" Soojin smiled extra brightly, almost mockingly, as Tzuyu took note of the situation, laughing a little to herself. Shuhua looked at her for a second, as if asking if this was alright. "I should leave you two be for now, then. I'll come help in a little bit." Tzuyu whispered in her ear, making sure to let her hands linger for some extra time on Shuhua's neck. Soojin scowled next to her. 

Once Tzuyu left, Soojin returned to her bright state, giving Shuhua a form of whiplash. "Let's get cooking, shall we!"

* * *

"Haven't we been in this exact position before?"

Soojin was busy cooking the pasta with her pink apron and her hair tied up. Shuhua wore a yellow matching one, and was currently staring at Soojin while she stirred the pasta in the pan. "I believe so. You were looking at me like a crazy stalker then, too."

"Hey! I'm offended!" Shuhua joked, putting her hand over her heart as Soojin giggled loudly, the only aroma of the room being happiness. Shuhua sighed happily, seemingly forgetting about the truth for a moment; it was a blessing, to exist in a time with Soojin where it was just them; the two of them against the world. Soojin seemed to agree, as she looked back at Shuhua with such a genuine smile, it almost made the latter tear up from how much Soojin really did care for. Perhaps this is why she'd fallen for the latter, for those eyes that gleamed back at her as if she was the only thing in this world that mattered. The little things made all the difference. The way her heart beat fast around Soojin, the way she felt as if she was on cloud 9, never wanting to come down when this is all she would ever need. 

Soojin was all she'd ever need. Sometimes you tend to sacrifice things for the ones you _truly_ love. 

"I'm sorry, come here." Soojin opened her arms while her eyes remained on the cooking pasta. Shuhua knew her too well by now, and settled into her arms comfortably. "I was joking, Soojin unnie. It's not a big deal."

"Well if it's not a big deal, you can help then. Here, cut these onions up for me, but be careful. This knife is rather sharp." Shuhua laughed as Soojin warned her like a science teacher in a Chemistry lab. 

Shuhua cut the onions mindfully, cursing lightly when the knife slipped in her hands, her palm aching after trying to grab it in the air before it fell on the floor. Shuhua's eyes widened slightly as she looked at the pool of red in her hand. The cut wasn't that deep thankfully, but it was enough to bleed.

"Shuhua!" Soojin ran over to her in a panic, dropping everything she was doing to help the younger girl. She embraced the girl in a tight hug, caressing her wounded hand as she placed a soft kiss on Shuhua's forehead. The latter almost passed out from that. 

"Are you alright? Do you need help? Should I get someone? Can I do anything for you? Does it hurt----"

"I'm okay, Jin. It's alright, relax." Soojin calmed down at Shuhua's words, although the worry in her eyes wouldn't go away. Neither did the touch, because she still held onto Shuhua like a koala, her face pressed against the latter's. "You cannot worry me like that!" She smacked Shuhua's shoulder, making the girl wince in even more pain. 

"I'm sorry!" Soojin exclaimed, Shuhua laughing albeit her pain. Soojin was so dense. "Come here, I'll save you."

Soojin shut off the stove, making sure the pasta was ready before she beckoned Shuhua to follow her over to a countertop, making the younger sit on one of the stools around it. Soojin then left her for a moment to grab the bandages, running back into the kitchen with lightning speed. Shuhua blinked, and Soojin was already tending to her wounds. 

"I thought I told you to be careful!" Soojin softly reprimanded, Shuhua's heart going in circles as she nodded, getting choked up by the words. "I'm sorry." She responded timidly, making Soojin frown. 

"I didn't mean to scare you. I just don't want you getting hurt, that's all. I need my Shu alive and well, okay?" Shuhua nodded as Soojin's eyes crinkled, her hand pinching Shuhua's cheek lightly, making the other girl blush for the 30th time in 5 minutes. 

"But, I have to ask you one thing though, Shu."

"And that is?"

"Did you at least finish cutting the onions?"

"Unnie, really?!"

* * *

After trial and tribulation, the two girls finally ended up finishing with dinner preparation, and soon enough, everyone was seated at the table with smiles on their faces as Soojin and Shuhua passed out all of the food. Shuhua tried to sit next to Soojin, however, Lucas had grabbed her arm, and Shuhua opted for sitting next to Tzuyu instead. 

"What the fuck happened to your hand? Did you get wounded in battle?" The older girl muttered, Shuhua biting back a laugh as she nodded, flashing her bandage to the other girl under the table. "I accidentally cut my hand with a knife."

"So this is why you don't cook. Good to know." Shuhua rolled her eyes as Tzuyu snickered, picking at the delicious food with her good hand. 

"This is a rather interesting dinner, I must say. We are joined by two very nice guests who I would love to get to know, if that's alright with you two?" Shuhua's father introduced, as she averted her gaze from the man she called 'Dad'. 

"Yes, that's perfectly fine." Soyeon answered politely, Yuqi looking at her with teasing eyes as Shuhua's mother squealed in approval. "Look what we have here! More domestic women to teach Shuhua a lesson! This is a Heavenly grace!" Tzuyu bit back her laughter as Shuhua glared at her; she was running on thin ice here. 

"So, Tzuyu, what exactly does your father do?" Shuhua's mouth ran sour at the misogynistic comment, and she could tell that Tzuyu was primarily offended as well, but that the latter handled it very well and Shuhua had respect for that. "My father is a lawyer for the colony, sir. He works with federal cases."

"That is incredulous, Ms. Chou! Did you know that I am running for the election?" Tzuyu nodded, keeping her fake smile plastered on her face. "Yes, your daughter has spared me that wonderful information."

"What about you Soyeon? What does your father do for a living?" 

"My father is a lawyer, my mother as well. They work on local cases though, rather than federal ones. Tzuyu and I have been family friends for a while now." Soyeon answered, as Mark's eyebrow rose, an interest bubbling within him. "That comes full circle then! You two are friends with my daughters, and you're both friends as well! That's great! Now, you can all tend to your husbands together! It should be magnificent! Right Soojin?"

"Right, sir." She responded quietly. 

Shuhua felt her side being tapped as she turned to look towards her right. Tzuyu had passed her a note, a look of uncertainty on her face. Shuhua raised her eyebrows before opening it, trying extremely hard to not make any indication of sound. 

_Is he always like this?_

Shuhua scribbled on the note some more, handing it back to Tzuyu like a game of chess.

_Yes! I told you he was a prick!_

Tzuyu bit her cheek to keep from laughing at her next response, throwing it across Shuhua's lap.

_Humans are just monsters in their greatest normality. By that I meant your father._

Shuhua stifled a laugh as she quickly hid the note in the fluff of her dress. Tzuyu would get her kicked out of the house this time, she presumed. 

The taller girl nudged the shorter one, Shuhua looking at her with confusion while twirling the pasta on her utensil. "Am I wrong?"

"Certainly not. Just don't let the 'Big Brother' know that. He'll have you beheaded." She whispered back graciously, the two girls cackling while drowning out the sounds of the others at the table. Shuhua felt a pair of eyes on her; dark, ferocious, and emotional eyes, those were undoubtedly Soojin's, the latter gripping the arm of the chair with her teeth sunk into her lip. 

Uh oh. 

Shuhua felt the nervousness settle in, Soojin's gaze was no different. The latter looked at her with an unreadable expression, one of annoyance, anger, and luster. Perhaps it was a mix of all three. 

"Soojin, are you good? You blanked out for a second." Lucas checked in on her, and the expression was diffused just as quick as it had been brought on. Shuhua could not keep her eyes away from the latter, from the imprint of Soojin's extra cold and lethal stare implemented into her brain, there for her to harp on for days, months, even years. Shuhua could barely contain the string of emotions, of the words they felt that they could not say. 

There were so many things Shuhua wanted to say, but couldn't. There were so many things Soojin wanted to do, but didn't have the courage to. They were both just as good as the other one. 

Reality never ceased to hit her like cold waves, shoving her deeper and deeper into the watery abyss, with no source of oxygen. She would be just as good as dead if she continued this, continued these feelings for Soojin in a world where it was impossible. She would have nothing left. And yet, she would do anything for Soojin.

She would sacrifice _everything_.

"Don't harp on it, it'll break you. I've been there." Tzuyu whispered to her, grabbing her good hand as Shuhua swam back up to the shore, the reality she was currently living in. She blinked a couple of times, Tzuyu giving her some time to adjust back from her daydream. "You good?"

"I'm alright, it's okay." Shuhua reassured her. "I'm okay now that you're here."

"Then, I shall be there for you until the end of time. Until we're both happy."

"Is that even possible?"

"Who knows?"

* * *

"The food was spectacular, Shuhua. Thank you for having me." Tzuyu stood by the doorstep, Shuhua escorting her friend out. "Of course, thank you for coming."

"Make sure you thank your parents for me, too."

"You know I won't do that." Tzuyu laughed, pulling Shuhua into a hug. "I'm glad you're doing alright, Shu. Always just send a letter if you need to talk. You know where to find me."

"You bet I will. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay. Goodbye Shuhua."

"See you later Tzu!" Shuhua shut the door, shielding her and the others from the extreme cold of winter. The fireplace burned hotly in the den where the rest of the company resided. Shuhua's parents had retired up to their quadrants of the mansion, and Shuhua certainly wasn't complaining. 

"The party is back!" She joked, Yuqi and Soyeon cracking up as Shuhua joined in on the laughter. "You're lucky you got my sense of humor, and not Lucas'!" Yuqi argued. 

"That's not how it works, Yuqi." Lucas retaliated. 

"Well then, it's a good thing that I'm funnier than the both of you." Shuhua explained simply. Soyeon laughed even more from her bluntness and Soojin couldn't stop the smile that appeared on her face. Yuqi and Soyeon sat together on part of the couch, Lucas sitting in the rocking chair with a book and Soojin on the other couch. The brunette tapped the space next to her as she looked at Shuhua.

"Come sit next to me, Shu." Shuhua smiled, plopping next to her love as Soojin filled the remaining space in between them, grabbing the girl by the waist as Shuhua leaned onto Soojin's shoulder. Soojin moved the blanket on top of them as well. 

"The food was great, Shu. Although maybe you should just stick to writing." Yuqi teased, as Shuhua rolled her eyes. "I WILL write a bad poem about you now, just you wait!"

"What do you even write about Shu? You've never let me read a story of yours." Soojin pouted. "Her poems are great, very inclusive and diverse in subject." Yuqi smiled proudly. 

"Soojin's right. You've never let us read one but Yuqi gets to read them!" 

"She really is great. Fantastic diction." Soyeon added, as Soojin's mouth opened widely. "You've let her read them but not me? Not one of the people closest to you?!"

Shuhua stilled for a second; Soojin looked somewhat disappointed, as if she didn't believe Shuhua valued her as much as she did the latter. Shuhua did value her, maybe a little too much. "It was a spur of the moment thing! I swear!"

"I'm kidding with you, Shu. You don't have to let me read them if you don't want to." Soojin admitted, but Shuhua could still sense the uncertainty in her eyes, looming through dark hazel pupils. 

"I trust you, Jin, I really do. it's just that Yuqi bought me the journal, and therefore I feel like she should be able to read it. Soyeon is just a byproduct of it all, I promise. You mean a whole deal to me, and I hope you know that." Shuhua admitted softly, Soojin's eyes dripping like honey as she stared at the bashful smile on the younger's face. 

"You. Are. So. Cute!" Soojin pinched her cheeks again, Shuhua flailing around as Soojin laughed. Yuqi and Soyeon turned to face each other with knowing looks.

Shuhua relaxed and cuddled back into Soojin, and for a while, the two girls just leaned on each other as the fire kept them warm, and the presence of each other's company kept them happy. Shuhua's eyes threatened to drop until something stood out to her in the pile of unopened mail. Without notice, she suddenly stood up, causing Soojin to groan.

"Why aren't you letting me cuddle you? Are you uncomfortable?" Soojin asked, but Shuhua was fixated on that letter that stuck out from all the rest. It had a seal on the front that was specific to one person and one person only. 

"I just have to check something, I'll be right be back." Soojin nodded, although annoyed, as she let go of Shuhua's warmth and the younger treaded into the kitchen. She grabbed the letter with apprehension, ripping it open. 

_ Dear Shuhua, _

_I write to you with a sense of urgency. It is currently 1 in the morning, and I gravely need you to help within the next couple of days. I am not sure how long this can continue to go on. Minnie had told me recently, but I am unsure of whether she's told you yet. The sight was horrible, he..._

_I just need your presence, please. Minnie has a special spot for you and she really needs you right now. Be our savior like you always are, Yeh Shuhua. Please come as soon as you can, and bring no mercy._

_I hope you view this soon._

_Sincerely, Cho Miyeon._

Shuhua's breath hitched in her lungs as she read over the letter numerous times, the words beating her down like a bat with nails. Minnie needed help... she needed her help?! Ignoring her shaking hands, Shuhua went into a hurry, grabbing her boots and slipping them on in fervor as she panicked, storming into the den and unlocking the front door.

"Shuhua?" Yuqi asked, quickly rising to her feet once she realized the seriousness of the situation. Soyeon and Soojin followed suit, Lucas being too involved in his book to care. 

"I need to go!" She exclaimed breathlessly, giving everyone one last look as she sped out of the house, the girls chasing after her. "Shuhua, wait!" Soojin shouted, but to no avail.

Shuhua bolted down the dirt path, running as fast as she could. Her feet treaded through the cores of the Earth, her legs burning like an inferno through the depths of Hell as she sprinted across the street, pushing herself further into the darkness and further into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> twt: @kimdabhyun21 (y'all know the drill lol.) also, please feel free to comment about anything you liked, didn't like, etc. i would love to hear any opinions you may have! <<33

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i can keep up with this lol
> 
> as always, feel free to comment on anything that you liked, or that you think i could add! also, my twt is @singularityjams if you want to talk! anyone is welcome, i'm a pretty chatty person so i love to meet new people <33


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